Daily Blog 2021
Other Blog Dates: Blogs 2022 Blogs 2020
December 26, 2021: Final Dailyblog Entry for 2021
Alright alright so Christmas is over. I had my little break playing vidya, relaxing, and all that good shit. Now comes the time of year when I start to feel really anxious. The end of the year. A time to reflect on everything I did so far (or haven’t even done period). Man I really hate this time of year and especially the very beginning of a new year. Especially now that I am gonna be back in college again real soon. I don’t even have everything I need other than 2 classes registered. All the other classes I need are full so you know what that means. It means I have to speak to my academic advisor for my major and I absolutely detest it. I just hate asking people for help in general. It never really feels right. I always end up thinking I am making a nuisance by asking for help. I do all I can to avoid getting myself in that situation where I have to talk to someone to proceed forward with my goals. I can take criticism and use it to try to better myself (because let’s be real, there’s a whole bunch of shit I have to improve on but more on that later) but actually asking for help is just not in my fucking protocol. Of course, I wouldn’t be in this situation if they would had just gone through my application I sent months ago and replied on time. But fuck me I guess.
Yeah, everything sucks even more so than last year but what can I do about it if it’s mostly out of my control. One of the things I wanted to do for a long time was to travel somewhere. I don’t know, just somewhere. Maybe another state for once. Maybe even another country. Though all that has been kicked into the pits since last year so I don’t think I’d ever get to leave this shithole for just one second. Real talk, people need to get over this stupid pandemic shit already. Fuck off with the restrictions already because we already have knowledge (and experience) on how this virus thing actually works. There’s no need for mandates, passports, or cyberpunk esque qr codes embedded into your skin like come on. We are getting to Terry Davis linguistics of crazy here with everyone. Who cares if someone is vaxxed or not? If the vaccine worked, then the person who took it (alongside God knows how many boosters up to this point as I haven’t even been paying attention) has nothing to worry about right? In theory, the unvaxxed person is taking a personal risk anyways so it’s not even a public problem to begin with right? Doesn’t seem like that from my perspective (or from the actual reality). Ether the people who were shilling these mega corp vaccines that ended up catching it anyways are lying about taking it or the vaccine itself is completely useless RNA placebo or at worst potentially harmful in the long run. I’ll say this as someone who actually caught Covid last year and you can read about my insignificant experience with it in my 2020 daily blog. I was miserable, tired, and annoyed by my coughing fits, but otherwise I wasn’t incapacitated nor severely cripple. I mean, I kicked off this whole website thing while I was infected with it. So you probably have nothing to worry about in my experience unless you have some underline health condition or are severely overweight. I’m no doctor but I heard that Vitamin C is kind of crucial to making the symptoms less severe. It’s never a bad idea to get some natural sunlight, don’t just stay indoors and risk getting some cancerous condition like my cousin. I do mean it.
Speaking of cancer, video games have been really sub-par this year. Probably the worst in terms of new games coming out. Even the slight hint of soylant excitement I would have had is immediately killed off by my prospects of how a game will probably end up being shit in the end and for the most part, I’ve been right hmmm somewhere around the 99 percent mark. What was that 1 percent game that I was wrong about? Pfft I don’t know. I haven’t even played it so I wouldn’t be able to tell you. It’s a good thing I had some other hobbies to keep me distracted for a while. Whether that was fixing my broken ass car, feeding and caring for my pets, doing my usual exercises, or composing music. I guess just as with last year, I spent most of my time gaming with more proven games of my past. Occasionally, I’ll check out a game that I might have missed but not often. Either I am growing out of this hobby (which I should had done a long ass time ago) or gaming is really the worst hobby out there right now.
Oh, yeah. I’m gonna be 30 next year so that’s going to put me into a rare (but honestly it seems it’s becoming less rare these days) category of being a “wizard”. A virgin past the age of 30. Thirty years. What did I do with my life? Nothing. People usually have their life together by age 30. I don’t even have this website together in once piece. Like everything going forward is looking very bleak socially wise and yet it doesn’t bother me one bit. I kind of accepted the reality that I am a failure and just deal with it. That’s not to say I am happy with my condition. I just don’t see why I should even bother trying to sulk about it. I still think about the girls I had interest in the past but my reasoning part of my brain is there to let me know that it’s not worth it to even think about them anymore. Even if they keep popping up in my memories or even my dreams without my consent. I guess the thing that hurts the most is having your parents also admit that your own life is a complete and utter disaster. These people had higher expectations of me and yet I wasn’t able to deliver on them. Not even one bit. Not just my parents but everyone who didn’t even give me a second observation of how I really suck at being smart and ambitious. I can bitch about tfw no gf all I want but the truth is I was never entitled to even have a gf to begin with. I’d probably be the most boring person to date let alone be in a relationship. Don’t let this website or blog fool you. I am not as animated as I am online. There’s a reason I never really had friends past elementary. But hey at least the online communities can be entertaining and all of the online drama from people I thought were higher on the social scale doing shit I can’t even imagine myself partaking in my lowest mental state is highly intriguing and entertaining. It’s stuff like happenings and cringe that keeps me going forward. It’s like that Exotic Lair youtuber guys says: “Cringe makes the world go around”. Something like that I think.
My music could do with some improvements too. I’ve become to accustomed to chiptune music, I feel like I have to branch out into something else or I’m going to drive myself into insanity. In all honestly, I’m not even a big fan of chiptune music in it’s purest form (though I do like my 16 bit vidya music). I’ve done other stuff but I feel like I have this tendency to shy away from it because I am so accustomed to just shitting out tracks with chiptune instruments. They are just easier to work with. Well, I’m making it a goal to move beyond that comfort zone. I’m working on a new album at the moment but I’m not happy with it to release it just yet. Most of the tracks were former chiptune compositions redone with more natural instrumentation (or midis) or synths. It’ll probably be a 2022 release. My Bandcamp page is pretty much abandoned at this point. Uploading tracks on there is really a drag unless you have some premium account thingy. Uploading them to MEGA is just far more convenient. Someday I’ll bring some life back to my Bandcamp page...someday. Aghhh sleepy.
So in conclusion, “fuck 2021” and here’s to a “fuck 2022”. I refuse to even mention the phrase “Surely things can’t get any worse.” Fuck I said it anyways. Well, regardless, maybe times might get a little better next year. I’d get wasted on New Years Eve/Day if I drank alcohol. Sadly I have been sober all my life. I don’t drink away the pain, I embrace it. I like to think I change as a person but sometimes I get remarks from my relatives that I haven’t changed a bit. They might be right. They might be wrong. I can’t be sure one bit. Peace and see you in my next year blog fam.
December 15, 2021: Overpopulation is a Serious Problem
Did a little bit of grocery shopping this afternoon and frankly I’m exhausted by even going around this time. The grocery stores are PACKED to the fucking brim. It’s like Black Friday with none of the good deals and instead of trying to buy shitty electronics or toys, you’re trying to buy groceries. I mean what the fuck. I know Christmas is next week but it was never like this to begin with. I don’t remember my local stores being this crowded. Where the fuck are these people coming from. This place used to be somewhat rural with plains and wooded areas and now there’s apartment housing all over the place and traffic that goes on and on and on. It’s honestly making me consider moving out to another state but I hate the idea of running away from my problems. These people are absolute idiots for plaguing my hometown and ruining the scenery and environment.
Overpopulation is the real environmental issue we actually face, not climate change. More humans means more demand for resources, more land used up for housing and facilities, more demand for energy like electricity and water. It’s taking a toll on the local wildlife for sure. I don’t see as much of it as used to 10 or 20 years ago. Higher populations equate to more crimes, increased social anxiety, and higher prices of goods. I can say this just from my own experience from today. My hometown just doesn’t have the planning for this kind of population. The roads haven’t even been paved in years and riding them is hardly any different from riding on a dirt road.
I absolutely despise the cunts who keep telling people from other states that fucked up their domestic to move to more well managed states (assuming you can even call this state well managed to begin with). All these people are going to do is vote for the same stupid policies and politicians that made their home state a living hell hole and fuck it up for everyone else that has been living here for years. These people need to stop running away from the problems they created and vote the retards out of office who pushed for dumb shit like higher taxes to pay inefficient welfare, illogical gun control, ass-tronomical levels of regulation that make entrepreneurship impossible unless you have trust fund money, or health mandates that don’t take into account a person’s beliefs or individual health status.
Honestly, people need to stop pushing the more is better approach to economic and population growth. A population that’s aging and in decline isn’t always a bad thing if you think about it. The way I see it, it’s a society’s way of managing an overflow in population. You don’t want to make the situation worse by increasing immigration or birthrates when the decline of the population will eventually rebound naturally. Just because a population is in decline doesn’t mean it’ll dip all the way to zero. It just means that birthrates are going to be slower as usual since there isn’t an economic incentive to have kids in a stable economy. With higher populations comes more competition for even the most low end jobs and those who aren’t able to compete end up being a leach on the economy by means of welfare. It’s all about having a balance. Competition in the market isn’t a bad thing but too much of it will do more harm than good in the long run. At some point, you get too overpopulated to the point where now your own citizens want to move out and repeat the same routine of multiplying the population in another city, state, or country.
And let’s assume for a moment that the climate alarmist are indeed right for once (lmaoing at Al Gore till this day). How do they expect to decrease carbon emissions to prevent le ultimate doomsday natural disaster that’ll wipe out a gazillion people with super hurricanes, tornados, and heat waves? Taxing gas usage? Enforcing power consumption? Nobody is going to enact or abide by any of that shit. You’ve already have most people comfortable with the way things are in their own lives. Making changes to the norm by promoting people to eat bugs off their yard instead of eating meat (A really bad idea considering pesticides are everywhere). Yet these same people who push for this kind of crap are completely fine with unrestricted human migrations and immigration to countries that are on the verge of an overpopulation crises. I hate it when people say “oh but look at all this unused land. We can totally house a few more people here.” because it completely overlooks the problem in the first place. Sometimes I believe these people don’t even care about the things they even preach about. They are probably secretively hungry to making life more miserable for the rest us than it already is.
This realy could have been a dedicated rant but I had to write it out as a blog post because boy did that shopping experience really did a number on my sanity. Most of the stuff I said was probably retarded anyways and I have no credentials to even complain about what the elites supposedly know more than I do. Honestly if there was supposed to be a pandemic going on, I don't see it. There's more people of thinking age (implying they even think) in my proxity more than there's ever been in my entire life. They'll be building skyscrapers and apartment complexes at this rate.
December 12, 2021: Mini Rant on Steampunk and Something Else
I wouldn't call it a rant in all honestly because I don't really have any gripes with the subgenre of fiction (or subculture) known as Steampunk. Okay maybe just a few gripes but not to the extent of making a whole dedicated rant page about it. At least from the top of my head, you got Solarpunk(which is basically like cyberpunk but with more greenry and is literally Hayao Miyazaki world), cyberpunk (our current reality but add some cool neon lights. High tech, low life), Atompunk (Fallout series), Desielpunk (Like Atompunk but without nukes), and finally the topic I want to talk about Steampunk (Victorian era sciencefiction).
Adding punk to steam is kind of a funny way of putting it though there are some goth elements to Steampunk, the whole subculture behind steampunk is mainly focused on making craftmanship and personality to technology (by means of making everything elegant). I'm not going to lie, I wish my laptop had some fancy keyboard from a typewriter with finely crafted wood chasis and designed etchings. I love the idea of making ulitiarian tech more or less high art to some extent. Some of the Steampunk media and games are really cool too like Arcanum and some of the Ghibli films. Love me some airships fam. The Victorian fashion is really cool too. I love top hats especially but you can't really wear them around without coming off as a tool.
My issue with steampunk falls more or less with the lazy aspects of the subculture. Slapping on randmom gears and pipes onto your grandfather's formal vest doesn't make your OC steampunk costume unique or special. I see the same problem with some cyberpunk cosplay too. While I do like to see details (even if they don't necessarily serve any function), at least be reasonable with the design. I find the best looking steampunk crafts and costumes are those with actual elegence and thought put into them without being too tacky. Cool it with the gears. I like gears when they actually serve a function, like a retractable limb or wings. Using one as an emblem is alright I guess but there are problably better accessories besides gears that'll still make something look steampunk without it coming off as lazy. You know, things like feathers, brass belts, etc. My two cents.
On another topic, I've been thinking about all of these "Top Ten" list you usually see on various websites or on Youtube. I guess what I am trying to get at is I don't really see a point of ranking anything on a list without being subjective. Like if I were to be asked "What are your top 10 vidya games" I couldn't even give a proper answer. First, I don't even have an all time favorite anything so I can't even give a number 1 spot to any game I enjoy playing. Second, my tastes are subjective and are not going to be a consensus for some other person who is going to enjoy genres like JRPGS, racing games, or dungeon crawlers rather than simulation games, FPS, or arcade fighters.
In all honestly, I think people (and especially those who I call normalfags) should really try to develop some sort of character for themselves. Not a persona but an identity. I know it's really hard to not be influenced by trends, subcultures, and media but it's okay if you have to use them as a starting point to build your own character. I not saying people should be more like me because in all honestly, I am not a very good example (or person lmao) to strive for. I mentioned this sort of in my empty internet theory but there is this awful cult like behavior with society that causes them to all think similiarly. Maybe it's a survival thing. I can get that but sometimes it just baffles my mind how anyone can just not think for themselves most of the time. Just wanted to get that thought out of my chest lately.
It's no wonder I have a hard time fitting in with online groups sometimes as well. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Am I feral?
December 2, 2021: Offically Back in College
So it's kind of offical. I have a student ID now for the college I applied to. They finally gave me a response after waiting oh I dunno...several months already and just a month away from the Spring semester. In any case, I can now register for classes and hope it won't cost an arm and a leg because I'm pretty much never going to recieve financial aid after my fuck up in University (almost 10 years ago. JUST). My major is (or rather the associate I want to go for is that car mechanic technician path). If it's one thing I learned this year, it's that you can put your trust on so called "experts" to fix your problems. They are either incompetent or maliciously trying to screw you over. Might as well learn how to maintain and repair cars so I can fix my own shit (as well as get a medicore paying job out of it too). I mean, there's always going to be dumbass breaking shit with their cars, and I can't see being a mechanic as a bad choice. Perhaps when I git gud at car maintence. I can post some stuff about what I learned or stuff you can probably do to maintain your car in a brand new spaking blog category. Only time well tell. Who knows. Maybe I'll flop this one out like I did with Engineering. Granted, electrical engineering was a pretty tough major to try to persue and I should've done my research back then rather than listen to the idiots screaming "WE NEED MORE STEM MAJORS, MUH HIGH SALARY OUTTA UNI, and THE PROFESSORS WILL HELP YOU OUT". I can't imagine anything (besides chemistry which I am honestly really bad at) being more difficult than engineering courses.
With that said, it'll only be a matter of time before I kiss my free time goodbye. Honestly though, I don't even know if my savings are going to be enough to finance my courses. I can't imagine community college being more expensive than uni. It's probably what I should had done from the start but my parents and so called "mentors" in high school thought I was more capable than I am actually am.
Proof? I tried logging into my new student account and got locked out for tonight because I input the wrong password too many times. This is the kind of person I am. Impatient and kind of blind sometimes. I can't even spell properly and I have far too many insecurities about myself. I guess I am going to have to cheap out on presents this year. Usually my cousin and I buy each other gifts but I might have to cut some corners for now. Hopefully our tax returns (lmao who am I kidding? That Rona Stimulus money from last year was probably cut from the new year's tax return) will be plentiful.
November 29, 2021: Things are pretty chill lately
Not just the weather. My life at the moment seems really okay at the moment. Sure I have a bunch of looming things behind my thoughts like "What am I going to do with my life seriously?", "I can't just work these low level jobs for the rest of my life!", "Will I ever get an actual social life?" and son on. Truth is, I've been mostly content with myself (sort of). For instance, it's nice enough outside that I can finally take a trip to the park and do my cardio. Plus I get to wear my favorite type of clothing. Long sleave clothes.
Speaking of which, something I noticed while looking up dogs for some reason is that they sell these "Anxiety" jackets for dogs which are basically like a heavy blanket but worn around the dog. It's supposed to help them relax by covering them with something that weighs just enough to feel like they are being cuddled or something like that. I never used a heavy blanket in my life since I rarely get super cold to warrrent buying one but I can make a connection to the fact that whenever I am wearing more clothes that cover up my arms and legs, I tend to feel more secure and confident with myself than I do wearing just a t-shirt and some shorts (like I normally do 90% of the year). I suppose it's one of the reasons that unlike most people, I tend not to be as depressed as others around the winter season. I actually cannot stand sunlight in general and perhaps there's something medically relavent to the fact that I tend to get sick with too much sun exposure. Perhaps I just can't handle the heat. It's like this thing I keep telling myself. Getting warm is easy. Just put on more clothes. Getting cool in the summer is difficult without any kind of AC. You can only wear so little clothes before it becomes borderline illegal. We'd be better off wearing togas in the summer and nothing else.
I regret to inform you that I also no longer have my long hair anymore. After months of not getting it cut, having to constantly comb and maintain my hair in order for it to not get in my face while doing anything productive, I went ahead and cut it back to the short hairstyle I have been used to for most of my life. If anything, I can now take advantage of that cool air on my skull now and look less like some hobo off the street.
November 22, 2021: Bleak Friday
Shitty title I know but I am probably in the worst case to be in a shortage of cash or at least, that's what I thought at first. All of these so called "Black Friday Deals" are simply discount prices from last month. Something I discovered especially with a site like Aliexpress, they'll increase prices prior to their major 11-11 sale date and now all of a sudden: "Wow everything is discounted!" I spent most of my savings on maintaining my car and getting it up and running so I don't get stranded on the road again. Because once your mode of transportation is fucked, you're fucked as well. At least that's how it works in the states. I guess looking on the bright side of things, with everything being shit these days, there's a good reason to not spend your money on useless stuff like vidya or tech products.
Still no word on my college application. I hate when I am left with no response. It's like the whole job hunt thing all over again where you wait months and months with no replies. Even a simple: "Fuck off, we don't want you working with us" would be more than welcome for at least I'd know I should probably look elsewhere. Normally, when you submit a college application, they'd ask you for education history, financial aid status, and medical records but I'd yet to receive anything of that sort by email or in my mailbox. What's the hold up? I am sure the community college I am applying to will be more than glad to have more students to steal money from with tuition fees and such. It's gonna be pocket money from here on out because I'm probably never going to get a scholarship again with my abysmal gpa from my old Uni. Perhaps I can just pretend I never went to Uni and provide my high school academic records which are actually pretty good (though it's not genius tier preformance or anything).
One thing I simply will never understand is why everyone I met with in real life assumes I am some sort of smart person or something. Maybe it's the fact I sometimes wear glasses which is one reason why I strated wearing contacts (so I don't look like a fucking dweeb) but even then, I don't get why anyone would think I am some enlightened individual. I am a lazy piece of shit who wasted almost all of my 20s doing absolutely piss all. If I were some sort of high iq individual, I would've been top of class and all that. I honestly have no potential or even noteworthy skills if I had to be brutally honest. Even if I can do some things that most people can't, I can guarantee that I can mention someone else who is far more capable of doing the stuff I do even better than I can ever accomplish. I am a slow learner. Most of the knowledge I obtain is from experience. I don't figure shit out with logic and reasoning. It's more or less trial and error. I'm certainly not university smart. Maybe I can at least be community college smart assuming I can get some feedback for my application. They have no excuse to not send me some sort of response. Shit, even I worked for admissions in my university and we were understaffed by people who barely did anything and somehow we were still able to get mail out by the end of the weekend. It's been months since I submitted my application. They have no excuse for the delay. The semester starts in January and I'm not even ready for it. Feels fustrated man.
October 30, 2021: Spooky Shit (Not really)
For once, I'm not melting my ass off when I go outside. Things are starting to look a lot better now. Finally got another low tier job to pay some bills and stuff before I can hopefully start school again next year. I did get mildly sick when I accidentally ate some bad cheese but I puked it all out and recovered fairly quickly. That's what I get for not checking the expiration date.
So yeah, Halloween is coming up and as much as I like dressing up in edgy costumes, I don't really have any plans other than to just chill at home. I don't even have an edgy costume to wear out in public unless I can scrap some stuff in my wardrobe. To be honest, I'm too old to be dressing up for this kind of stuff but whatever. I never really liked trick or treating nor do I even like eating candy when it was appropraite back then.
I suppose I can emulate a few horror games for like an hour before I get tired and figure out something else to do or watch. I don't know. Maybe my cousin is down for a gaming night thing. Sucks that Halloween has to be on a Sunday of all things. I'm really sleepy on Sunday.
I started working on a new track since I've been really really slow with that lately as well as went around my house looking for random critters to document in my outdoor blog out of boredom. I came across some interesting stuff just in my backyard. If only my phone took better pictures. Fuck you LG.
On an unrelated note. I've been looking into Tegus. They seem to be the coolest large pet you can get these days. Basically a big ass lizard that acts like a dog in someways and they are pretty intellegent too. Of course, I don't have the room for one but I think if I did, I would like to get one someday. They seem like they demand a lot of work just like a dog. You can't just buy an enclosure for them either. You have to put together that shit on your own. Maybe a couple of pvc bits, some sliding glass, and of course all of the necessarily lights and uv lights that most reptiles need in order to be healthy. Oh and you can walk them on a leash too. They can be rather expesive though still probably still cheaper than raising a dog or having a girlfriend.
October 24, 2021: Rockstar (of David) Games....Why?
I won't lie. All of those memes and edits involving the newly announced GTA trilogy were a good laugh. But that laughing is temporarily when you realize that this isn't a joke at all. Rockstar had completely sodomized the classic 3D era games and made them into a Fortnite ass, Sims 4 Mother Fucking Graphics Looking, Disney's Pixar presents ass, Wallace and Gromit claymation looking remaster. I didn't expect much from Rockstar to deliver on the goods. At the very least, I would had been just fine if they kept the original graphics and did all the bug and quality of life fixes or whatver. I could live with that. What I can't live with is the completely fucked up aesthetic that whatever company Rockstar outsourced for the development of this attrocity. GTA III had this dark and noir feel to it and it's completely ruined with the remade graphics. Everyone looks fucking awful. The worst of the three games is what they did to poor Tommy Vecetti. Look how they massacred my boy. He looks like that Ken Barbie Doll from Toy Story 3. Oh and the hands!!! THE HANDS!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!! THEY ARE SO CHUNKY LOOKING AND LOW POLY! I know the original games didn't have the best visuals but they at least looked alright for what they were trying to do. This new remake however just make everything look like clay. It's insulting.
Almost as insulting as the (rumored) removed radio stations in the game (like they were with the mobile port) and the removal of confederate flags in the game. The radio station thing I can almost forgive because getting the rights to some tracks can be a pain in the legal and financail ass but this is Rockstar we are talking about. They probably have a swimming pool full of cash money from all those Shark Cards sold to a bunch of kids using their parent's credit card to buy some crappy sports car replica for GTA Online. This isn't some small indie company. GTA V alongside all their other IPs are some of the most best selling and popular games in the fucking planet. You'd think dropping a few bucks on some licensing rights would be a drop in the bucket for them. But of course, fame and fortune made they so greedy, they are still releasing ports of GTA V for nearly 10 years at this point. Oh and lets talk about the censorship while we are at it. This is Rockstar Games after all. Most of their games are famous for being the blame for many of societies violence despite the data showing otherwise. How do you go from a company that prides itself in not bending the knee to public outcry (with the exception of Hot Coffee) to all of sudden, catering to people who don't even play video games by censoring things that don't do any irl harm than the killing you do in the game. Killing hundreds of random npcs and cops, hijacking cars, blowing shit up, and doing criminal activity is somehow okay but showing some flag with bars or having a joke about trannies is somehow worse than murder itself. I mean come on. Nobody but twitter users actually care about that kind of shit. Why even cater to them?
In all honestly, It's just demoralizing to see a well beloved franchise go down like this. GTA V really made Rockstar give previous shitty companies like EA a run for it's money (Especially 2K games in particular). But this is just how gaming is these days. I don't like it one bit and frankly, I can't see myself sticking with gaming any longer if it's going to be more shit like this. And you know what's really funny about all this? Apparently the game is projected to be not all that optimized because some sources say the pc requirements are even more demanding than Read Dead Fucking Redemption 2! A game with arguably better graphics is somehow more optimized than a remaster of some PS2/Xbox era games! How do you do something that fucked up? It probably won't help that most people are going to end up buying the remasters anyways. The Switch Port sounds interesting but with all the things I discussed, I probably won't even bother with that either. It'll probably run like shit given the optimization rumors.
October 14, 2021: Fuckin Finally.
After weeks of uncertainty, the mechanics finally figured out the problem with my car, and thankfully won't cost me an arm and my soul. Engine misfire thanks to a broken ignition coil. At least, only one of the coils failed resulting in my engine's lackluster power from last time. It could have been something I'd fix myself but considering how little I actually know about cars, I probably would had never figured that out. I know scan tools are a thing but do they really work as advertised? Whatever, I'm just glad I'm gonna get my car back real soon.
Well, at least until they are able to recieve the oem part from overseas which is going to take an asstronomically long time to get over here. I don't live on the west coast you know. Shit from Asia takes months to even get to my doorstep, let alone to some out of sight mechanics shop. With everything is short supply these days, I was lucky I was even able to get a replacement in the first place. I'm just glad it's not something cathostrophic like a blown head gasket or anything like that. That shit would cost more than the car is even worth and you might as well buy another car if that's going to be the case.
So okay. I think I am starting to understand the reasoning behind the push for electric cars now. EVs don't have to deal with crappy combustion engines that barely changed since the late 1800s. But that still doesn't change the fact that they are by design a closed source hardware and software clusterfuck that are just waiting to fuck you over at any minute and fail (or burn you alive like the Chevy Volt). Never thought I'd ever have to consider the idea of implementing FOSS Philosophy into automobile design.
October 10, 2021: Boredom, site maintence, and other things.
So it ended up being a cold after all. I got over it after sleeping it out. That doesn't change the fact that lately, I have been very unmotivated and I don't know why. I don't have any creative drive to make music or write any new blogs. I'm thinking of stories that go as far back as my school days but I am having some trouble thinking of a way to present those stories in my blogs. It's not that the events in question weren't interesting. I just have trouble getting started on any of them. I haven't even finished my Ravenfield review purely for the fact that I just don't feel like playing it. Maybe that one will be canned for another day. It's still in early access anyway so most of the stuff I would end up talking about might get changed later down the line. Maybe I just miss having my car around to go somewhere when I am dried up of activities at home.
I thought about making some quality of life improvements to some of my older blogs. Not really changing the content in them per say but adding subtitles to each blog so they aren't these endless wall of text. Maybe I'll break these daily blogs into months like I've wanted to for so long. I think this is were most of my work should be right now at least before I go back to college again. That's not to say I won't create new blogs while I work on my older blogs.
I've been rereading some of my blogs and it got me thinking. Since I am so bad at socializing, perhaps if I were to look for a romantic partner, then perhaps it should be someone who is going to be more social than I am. Think about it this way. If I could find someone who is capable of understanding my feelings without having to explain them to others all by myself (and poorly), then that could be a huge benefit when it comes to things like negotiation, bartering, or just getting my thoughts across to others. But if she's going to be doing all the talking, then what would my role be in that sort of relationship? Obviously, I would have to provided financial support, maybe handy man shit, that sort of thing. The reason I mentioned this sort of combination of social and anti-social because I've been thinking about the flaws of two anti-social lovers. They aren't going to communicate with each other like a normal couple should. This will lead to secrets being kept from each other until it gets to the point where the relationship completely capitulates. Likewise, you don't want two very social people in a realtionship because they will tire each other out and start seeking others for their social needs. Everything needs to be balanced and complimented, like a ying and a yang. I don't even know what the fuck I am talking about anymore!
My first crush would have been an ideal candidate if it were not for the fact some other guy asked her out before I could say anything. She was significantly more social than I was and if it were not for her, I probably would have been just as bored doing that whole engineering camp thing. I need someone like her to take the initiative in things because I never know what the fuck to do next. I had zero social experience back then to even figure out anything fun to do. My second and last crush would be alright too in terms of being more social than I am though she was nowhere near as social as the first crush. She was a band nerd and enviromentalist so that makes her kind of lower in the social heirarchy of things. No offense to her tbh. I just wished we talked more and I wasn't such a anxiety ridden sperg back then. My gut feeling tells me she was never interested in me to begin with. It kind of seemed like that and also not really. I just don't know.
Sometimes, it feels like I have all the answers to society's "social" quiz but I can't even find the paper to even start answering these questions being asked to myself. If I pass, I get friends and lovers. If I fail, I have to retake the quiz and try again. In all seriousness though, I really need to lay off the internet for a while.
October 8, 2021: Rona 2.0?
I've fallen ill again. My symptoms seem to be rather flu-like. It kind of feels like the last time I caught Corona last year with the fatigue, fever, and somewhat shortness of breath but without the coughing. I just feel lazy. Not abhorrently ill but very fatigued. It's not like the stomach flu I had this year where I couldn't even get out of bed. Nowhere near that bad. But still bad enough to prevent me from doing anything productive. It's probably nothing though. Maybe it's just a mild cold.
Still no word on my car. It's been at the mechanic's shop since last week. The only word I have for this is shit.
October 5, 2021: Smash Bros...
Rosterfagging is finally over. Sorafags got what they want. Anime sword fighter with a Mickey Mouse Trademark. Most wanted Smash character? It doesn't really suprise me. I was A Geno-Fag since melee and still will be till the day I die. In all honesty though, I don't even care anymore. I still won't buy the new Smash game because I already played the shit out of it at my cousin's place. I've seen what I needed to see and moved on.
Still no information regarding my engine failure. What's the point anymore? They clearly don't know what they are doing. At least if I fuck up something on my car, I know exactly where I went wrong. Who knows what they'll break this time around. I just need to drive. Is that too much to ask.
I've been doing some stuff on Koikatsu lately. I found this really accurate Yuki Nagato model that is 1:1 perfect with the anime/manga design. Whatever repack this new version of the torrent is, it's now significantly more stable than previous torrents I've used. Haven't messed with single player aspect of Koikatsu because that's not what I use the program for. I should really refine my OC characters on Koikatsu and put them in my mega links. I'm not that great when it comes to oc creations but some of the modificaitons I do to specific characters make them look even more cute than they originally were. I'd upload those too but they aren't necessarily my creations.
I really wish I wasn't stuck without a car though.
October 4, 2021: LMAO Fuck Facebook and it's Subsidiaries.
Probably the best news I'd heard in a long while. If only it stayed down for much longer, if not permamently. Those social media sites go down and the world would be a better place without a doubt.
October is pretty spooky but you know what's even spookier than ghosts, goblins, monsters, demons, and glow in the dark federal agents? Car Maintence. This is the third fucking time since this piece of putrid fuck of a car failed on the road. Something in the engine pop'd and all of a sudden my car is driving like shit with barely any power. So much for the Honda reliablity. At least this time, I was able to somewhat drive myself to a mechanic on a limp and have to get this shit analyzed and inspect for fuck knows what happen. This is right after I took this car for an oil change. My mom made me take it to some shady service center because the dumb fuck didn't let me change my own oil. I'll have her know that with my previous car (before I was wiped out in it) had all the oil changes by yours truely and it never had any problems up until the accident. I take this car to these so called "professionals" and either my car is shitting itself due to some fucked up physics going on with the age of the engine or the guys responsible for my oil change fucked something up. Either way, my wallet is going to empty once again from all this. I fucking hate cars so much but the infastructure of this country might as well be nonexistent. This includes public transportation. So it's not like I have alternatives other than taking a bike (which has no storage capacity, isn't safe to ride on these crappy roads, and drivers.) or an uber ride which is going to eat up more of my savings just to go anywhere.
Also fuck electric cars in general too. Yeah I said it. I keep seeing these smug Tesla drivers more and more often and it's giving me a piss attack. Fuckers think they are saving the world by buying an overpriced automobile that was designed by Ipad makers rather than auto engineers and don't you even think about crashing one of those fuckers because no one knows how to actually repair them other than Tesla themselves. You'll be paying the price of a used car just to repair some broken bit on the car alone. Nevermind the batteries (which are mined out of African slave labor) which aren't exactly enviromentally friendly especially once their capcity starts failing like all batteries. Now what? Replace them? LMAO good luck I guess. Most Telsa drivers are just BMW refugees who want to flex their wealth because they think Telsa is supposed to be a luxury car. Yeah sure whatever Teslags. Might as well mention Elon Musk is a scam artist who suckers investors into his schemes which never come into fruition. Even the goverment falls for his marketing lies.
Maybe I should just get a moped at this point. It'll probably be easier to maintain and might actually kill me in the next accident I happen to not voluntarily get myself into. Maybe I'll get run over by a Tesla driver! Wouldn't that be a nice thing! I'm sure a moped wouldn't be too bad on country roads either. I could just accept my financial loses with my car and drive it off into the dump where it belongs and save up for a moped. They usually aren't very exspensive from what I remember.
September 28, 2021: Some stuff and Ideas I Dunno
So my allergies have been killing me again despite it being close to October already. I think it's because my neighbor (We'll call him Farmer Sneed) began to plow his crops again with his big ass tractor and now all that dust and debris got all over my car and all inside my lungs. I should had just used my treadmill instead of going outside. It's not even a headache kind of allergy either. I can feel something slushing in my head everytime I tilt it up or down. Lying face down kind of helps. Fucking hell, couldn't Farmer Sneed plow his field in the morning? I know it's almost harvesting season but come on, Spare me the allergies. It pains me to even look at any digital screen for any longer than an hour. I'm due for an eye exam but I don't even know if my health insurance even covers it. Maybe I should go back to contacts like I did in college. If I had the money, I'd pay for a surgeon to fuck my shit up with lasik. No more frames or contacts sounds just fantastic.
A while back, I showed a non-neocities user my website and asked for some advice in regards to some accuracy on some information in my outdoor blog. I've been told this site is too old fashion and is very boring. Now the first bit is not something I ever plan on changing. This is a neocities website and it'll be heresy to do anything but basic web 1.0 aesthetics. I'm not doing that web 2.0 or web 3.0 (current) shit. The second criticism is a bit more concerning. Now I know the majority of this site is basically just a personal blog of my usual bitching that is all put into this sort of digital diary rather than some shitpost on an image board but honestly it goes without saying that apart from my tragic bits of life, there's really nothing that exciting about my own life. Even the crazy shit I've seen such as people getting runned over, buildings exploding, and some people with less social awareness that I ever had doing some stupid shit in public would probably be summarized in a few sentences at best. Those things just happpen and I move on since they don't even affect me in the slightest. So all I am left with is whatever my personal history has to offer. I guess the dreamlogs are the one exception where some crazy shit can sometimes happen but it's not something that occurs often (although I could probably do something in regards to the last bit involving wierdos in public. Maybe a "Spergs gone wild" segment in the life blog?). I think even in real life, my tone seems to be rather bland sometimes. Even when I am pissed my rocks off, I don't usually show it as much as I should. Maybe I'm just a bad writer. Honestly, it doesn't really matter. I make this website mainly for myself. It's just out there for others to read if they really want to.
With that in mind, I do want to add more content to this site. As mentioned before, maybe something involving stuff I've seen in public that doesn't necessarily have an effect in my life but is still bizzare and intersting enough to write about and another thing I had in mind is some sort of virtual museum thing. Basically a place to show off some artifcats or physical collections that I have that either have some personal or historical value. It's not alot of artifacts but I like the concept of doing some webpage dedicated to various collections.
September 22, 2021: Dubias and Fall
Tarantula has a new source of food. I was able to find someone locally who was selling some Dubia roaches (Or Dubya Roaches as I like to call them). These are the go to feeders for tarantula's and other kinds of reptiles that have an insect based diet. Super worms have been my feeder up until this point and the problem with super worms is that they have a tendency to bite. I have to pre-kill them before giving them to my tarantula. They are also nowhere near as nutrient rich as Dubia roaches so I'm so glad I finally was able to get some. Breeding them won't be too difficult since my room temperature is going to be just perfect for raising a colony. If I can get a sustainable breeding program like I did with my super worms, then I will hardly ever need to go to the pet store to refill on my feeder insects. Both are superior to crickets any time of the day. I'll make a blog post basically explaining why I don't like crickets for feeders.
Today was the first time in what seem like forever that I was finally able to jog outside. Weather was beautiful this morning to say the least. Too bad it won't stay like this for long and the temperature is going to skyrocket back into boiling hellhole. I know Bill Gates is all in on the human depopulation program but I'd rather he focus on that retarded idea of his to make a machine that produces clouds to block the sun (He did say something along those lines years ago right?). Whatever. I've already accepted the fact we can't have nice things. He'd probably still fuck it up like his polio vaccines and especially Windows in particular (lmao). The temperatures were nice today and it boosted my moral a little. Not greatly but just a little.
September 17, 2021: More Infighting and Mini Rants of The Week
Another day, another attempt with trying to reason with my mom by explaining my shortcommings. Like come on now, I'm going back to college to try to get a degree in something, what else do you want me to do at this point? I'm going to work some shit tier job to ear some cash by working 40 hour for shit pay but making just enough to pay my insurance and house fees. What more do you expect me to do? I am a loser. Sorry. Not everyone can be Bill Gates or Elon Musk. I'm not the next super genius nor will I ever become famous. I'm just a peasant. I hate when people set up these high expectations that are far beyond your capabilities. It's this same shit that's pushed by dumb politicians that tell working class losers like myself to learn to code when the fact of the matter is coding is not for everyone (considering you have to sit for hours upon hours on end staring at a computer screen and need a problem solver mindset like in Engineering to do anything that is considered useful programming). I have no objections to beign nothing speical. But for some people, they just can't handle the hard truth because they are narcissistic beyond all measure. For once, could I have the benefit of at least picking what I want to do with my life?
Speaking of assholes, is it me or does it seem like people are driving even more reckless these days than usual? I swear, I'm trying to drive my ass to the grocery store to pick up some supplies and food to eat at home and I see fuckers merging lanes (sometimes multiple lanes and keep in mind this is America with the lanes are wider than your average burgerman) without using their turn signals, I almost got hit again from the side at a green light because some fucking truckfag couldn't just wait before turning into the road like he's supposed to (ie the green arrow for turning), or this other fucking lunatic who fucking speed off through a red light even with cars passing through the perpendicular lane and nearly crashing into incoming traffic. This was all stuff I had seen in ONE day. TODAY! Now don't get me wrong, I always knew everyone here drives like shit but it seems like they are driving even more reckless than usual. I don't know, maybe all this shit going on this country and the world as a whole is giving people more anxiety. Or perhaps there's some grand conspiracy as to why people are suddenly trying to drive like shit. Maybe the glowies are trying to assasinate me? Not like it matters because I honestly have nothing going for me to begin with. I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
I guess on the bright side....oh wait, there is no bright side. Okay that's not necessarily true. Uh...at least summer is finally going to end. It won't be hell on earth oven turned to the max with humidity of a stinky sauna. It'll just be hot until the occasional cold front. I hate wearing shorts. I can't wait to wear some slacks to cover my legs. A light jacket would be nice too.
September 13, 2021: Job Facism
Silly name I know but it's not so silly when Job applications are now asking for vaccination records (specially the SARS2 one). Look, I don't want to get into the theories and complaints surround the vaccine but I'll say this, I had been vaccinated for other things in the past (not by my own choice though but still) but now as an adult, I just don't see the reason to get this vaccine personally. Especially considering it's not effective against the so called new variants that are out there now, with the original variant now functionally exstinct. This vaccine is for the original strain which I caught last year so taking it doesn't really do me any good. So what's the point of all this pushing for mandates and vaccine cards? This is a free country right?
So unfortunately, now I have to start making religious excemptions as to why I didn't get jabbed. I am not even religious to begin with but I guess I have no choice but to pull something out of some sacred text. Maybe something from the Cathloic or Islamic texts regarding vaccines or halal stuff. (I even have that little cap thing somewhere for visual authenticity). Technically, my state had mentioned these federal mandates are null and are threating to sue eventually in the courts but it seems like it's not stopping some companies from activitely discriminating based on health records. I don't think that's constitutional or even legal but that's the world we live in now I guess. Nevermind the fact that countries like Sweden and the Netherlands never had any lockdowns or restrictions and somehow have less deaths and case numbers compared to countries like Australia and the US that are pushing facist mandates on it's own citizens and are still seeing overflown hospitals and deaths.
Speaking of which, I have a relative who does work as a nurse in the covid unit. For the past couple of months, many nurses had quit their job over such mandates or just from the stress of having to check people who might have Covid. Many of those who end up in the hospitals are either vaxed or unvaxed but neither are different in terms of symptoms and reactions. Some are just mildly sick and eventually recover after a few days. Others get severly ill and have to be placed on ventalators and some outright die. Something that's worth noting is that many of these ventalators are impossible to clean or sanitzie and there has been an outbreak of some sort of bacteria that is spreading among those who are in the ventilators. It's assumed that those who are really sick aren't necssarily dying from covid but are probably getting really ill from the bacteria being spread around the ventalators. In normal situations, these ventalators wouldn't be used as freely among patients but because of the shortage of medical supplies, they are often used from one covid patient to another. Fun fact: the mouth of a human is actually the dirtest part of the entire human body (even more so than the anus). You can imagine the issue at hand here. Hosptials as as result overflow with casualties and patients because not only are there not enough nurses (as most of them quit due to shit pay, long work hours, or vaccine mandates) but also because the hosptials are unintentisonally killing patients with poor hygenic and sanitation practices. Those are his experiences not my own so take all that with a grain of salt. If you have a relative who also works with covid patients, you should probably ask them and see if the stories match up.
But in conclusion, life feels so brutal these days. You can't just say or do whatever you want even if doesn't really concern anyone's well being to begin with. I can't trust a goverment mandate when this same goverment can't even pull out of a failing warzone without hiccups, let alone unite a politically divided country. It's not just like this in the US but in all of the great powers of the western world. Something just doesn't seem right anymore. Either they are getting desperate and are losing faith with the public or the public as a whole as gone completely insane and people like myself are just rebels by sociatal standards and have no chance resistance. As always, the best course of action is to just keep your head down and observe what happens. The Supreme Court in theory can nullified this edict if they stand by their principals as they have done before with evictions(a topic for another time). That's not to say private buisnesses can just do what they want though. Granted, discrimination as a whole based on a variety of factors doesn't look good on a legal basis. But what do I know?
September 4, 2021: A Second Chance
Afer some heavy heavy reconsideration and self reflection, I had made the decision to finally go back to college and get a degree of some sort. Basically I was given an ultimatium and doing part time work in the meantime and community college was the choice I made for myself. It's nearly been almost a decade since I last dropped out. Things were so much different compared to how things are now. I think I have more of a maturity (yeah right lmao) this time around to not fuck it up again. For starters, I'm not doing anything bachelors or STEM related yet (I am too much of a brainlet for STEM topics). What I think I want to go for is something along the lines of a certificate or associates degree first before making the jump towards something like a bachelors degree. I have yet to figure out a specific major I want to go for but I am thinking of something more in the realm of IT, or technology. Maybe some sort of degree in auto-repair or welding. I don't know, just something practical.
Fine arts major is not an option. All that effort would lead to some useless degree. My relative took that route for a film making degree and he doesn't even have a job yet. Getting some sort of fine arts degree would only make sense if I was going to teach music or something like that. Let's be real here, the last place I want to be working for the rest of my life is in a school setting. I am not even good at explaining concepts. It wouldn't change the fact that I would go for x number of years only to end up working dead end jobs like I do currently.
I probably won't be able to start my semester until the following Spring. It's kind of too late to apply for the fall. As far as finances go, it's not going to cost me my liver to take some classes. I've been saving up some cash up to this point along with the consideration to sell some of my stuff to have some extra cash after paying them off. I know I bitch alot about colleges but community college is a lot more reasonable from what I've seen compared to a proper "state funded" university (I should have gone to community college first). It's more affordable and less bullshit than a 4 year university.
Plus, I am not worried about sticking out as the oldest in the classroom. In the past, I had classmates in Uni who were guys that got out of the army with their GI gibs and were significantly older than the other classmates. Fun fact, I was the youngest in most of my classes back when I first attended University. I was 16 when I started my first semester. My parents thought it would be a good idea to push me into school earlier than my peers and as a result, I was a year or two behind in mental and social development compared to my peers (Nice going fucktards). This time however, I will have senority over my classmates. Perhaps being older and more experienced will make me the cool one in the classroom. Or alternatively, it'll make me the demented boomer. Either way, I think I'll be better prepared than them since I had experience with shitty professors. I wouldn't mind sharing my knowledge with them if the opportunity arises. Perhaps going back to college would give me another opportunity to find love as well though I am probably going to be kind of old to be dating at this point. The age gap alone would be kind of weird.
In my quest to self improvement, going back to college was not something I had in mind up until recently. I already submitted my applications and now it's just a matter of time until I can proceed with sending all my records and shit. Since I won't be going to school until next year, I guess I can work for a bit at McWagecucks or some low tier job in the meantime. A little extra money wouldn't hurt. And hopefully, all those dreams about school and college will finally stop coming up during the night as a means to torment me from not finishing college or failing at my social life. I have no idea if I'm going to be super busy once I go back to college but I will continue to work on this website until my inceldom is eliminated and I finally become normal. Either that or this site will get a domain change to Wizard Perspective when I turn 30. Real talk, I never liked this site name to begin with. It implies that being loveless is a big sticking point to my condition when I sort of got over it years ago. I mean sure, by definition, I am an incel but I don't really match everything about the incel character point by point. Sometimes it does bother me but I wouldn't say it tourments me like my other concerns. Oh well, at least the title is funny. Can't wait for the domain change though as Wizard Perspective sounds more like web 1.0 and sounds more interesting.
August 31, 2021: Personal Issues and My New Album
A lot of bad news lately. I was laid off from work after being employeed for about a year or so. You end up being used and then dumped like everything else in life. Supposedly there are job openings out there but who knows if they even want to hire at this point. I could just go on welfare but the more I don't work, the worst my mom sees me. I don't want to end up in a NEET state again so I'm probably going to do some job searching for the time being until I can get something that's stable and reasonable with income. It also doesn't help that a relative is also very very ill. Not with Rona but with something that might end up being a stroke from what I heard. I really hope nothing happens. I'm not ready for funerals. Just like hospitals, funerals make me feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't even want to burden anyone for my passing with a funeral (just burn my ashes and toss me into the sea or something. I don't even have anything to wear that's appropiate for a funeral. I have avoided wearing black for a while because of the heat but I might have to pick up a black button up or something. It's not like I fear death or anything but I hate the formallities that come with it and in all honestly, I don't even want to know what's on the other side of the living world (regardless if it's good or bad). Just imagine you try to be a good memeber of some religious sect, doing all you can to achieve paradise or whatever only to have followed the wrong religion the entire time and recieve divine punishment for it. Surely life can't be that cruel? Religion and death, two subjects I honestly hate talking about.
I swear it's like every year keeps getting worse and worse but I have to pull through. The odds are completely against me but I am not going to back down. Not ever. I've been trying to keep my moral up by doing what I do best, lurking on the web. Found some interesting channels that are right up my alley. I might think about creating some Recommended Youtuber list for the various subjects I like. I think smaller channels that I do follow can use the extra exposure.
Last but not least, I finally finished my album I've been working on since the end of Spring. It goes by the album title of "Heart Chips" It's nothing special really. It's more of a collection of chiptune tracks that I created over the span of sometime. There's about 18 tracks in total, mostly just my attempts at making chiptune music using various sines, square, and saws, as well as some simulated famicom soundfonts. For the most part, the tracks are right around a minute or two so rest assure the crappy tracks won't last for too long. I can't draw for shit so I used an editor on Picrew to make the girl on the album and slapped a retro pixel filter over it. I suppose it works well for what it is. I like the brownish colors that suit the release season (summer is over right?).
You can find the album for free in my Goodies section of my website. The audiofiles will be in flac so the filespace is a little larger than your typical mp3 album. You should be able to play the files on your music player of choice easily. I'll put it on Bandcamp eventually but not right now. It's kind of a pain in the ass to upload the tracks invidiually on bandcamp. I didn't even bother with the track names either. That's how low I've been recently. It's not like this album had any overarching theme to it. Consider this album more of an experiment more than anything crafty. I'm just glad I'm done with it.
August 28, 2021: Tutoring and Shitty Professors
I was summoned by a relative who needed some math help for an online quiz sort of thing. I honestly don't like tutoring to begin with because I am terrible at trying to explain things in person, let alone online. Now the quiz in question revolved around medical shit. Stuff I know absolutely nothing about but all in all, the mathematic side of things was pretty easy (especially compared to STEM focused mathematics). Some of the medical terminology threw me off from my experience with scientific and mathematical units but it's still brain dead simple. I could easily see myself doing alright in this sort of class but I have no desire to get involved in anything in the medical field. I hate doctors and I especially hate hospitals. I just can't stand them. Honestly, if I was sick or dying, I'd rather be in my bed room than in a hospital. Sure I might not get the proper top of the line medical care but I just don't feel comfortable in places like the hospital. Bad vibes all over the place in those kind of establishments.
What didn't suprise me however is how left in the dark many students in colleges really are when it comes to doing homework, studying, and doing exams. It seems like these professors don't really teach them anything and expect them to just read the textbook. Now I understand you can't teach everything from a chapter in under a hour or so for a lecture, but feel free to debate me when I say what's the point of even going to college if you are just going to have to primarily learn from a textbook? I am not against the idea of studying on your own but when you are paying thousands upon thousands of bugerbucks, the professors and staff are barely doing fuck all to help their students understand the material. It's like their sole purpose of even being hired in the first place is to grade assignments or write some research papers. It's now even worse with everything being done online as most of the students are going to end up cheating anyways which means they aren't learning anything at all. If you are going to self-study, you might as well just learn from various online resources and pirated text-books.
Freshmen don't even realize this until it's too late. They come from these public schools where everything is spoon fed to them, primarily so that they can ace some state exam that has fuck all to do with college material work. high school students are rarely given the chance to express themselves thanks to all these hinderences and shitty habits that they print onto you since elementary school. For fuck sakes, they have to raise their hand just to ask to go to the bathroom. I mean what is this shit? Public schools don't teach kids to become sucessful, they mentor them into this slave mindset that'll fuck them over once they get into the real world (and not just college). Perhaps this is all part of the goal to have the populace brainwashed into serfdom. In any case, people need to open their eyes and take matters into their own hands when it comes to learning.
August 25, 2021: Workouts
Push ups, sit ups, tension bands, cardio, stretching. Yep, I am now way deep into this shit. I'm sore like as if I got my ass beaten in middle school. Nah don't worry (or sorry to disappoint you) but I never got beaten up in my life and don't want to even try to get in a situation where that's a possibility. Anyways, I was kind of slacking off my daily workouts and it was making me feel guilty for not doing what I normally do but I couldn't help it. The awful temperatures are just so unbearable and by the time I usually do my workouts, I'm already too tired to do them. Well, this week is different. I am doing cardio and strength training all in one go. I hate to admit it but in terms of strength, I am still kind of a stick, but by doing these daily strength workouts, I could in theory make some fucking gains and be strong enough to punch someone's teeth out (not that I want to or anything).
Oh and I did make some css alterations to both my websites. It looks alright considering the background image is dimmed. It doesn't seem to affect the readability of my blogs. At least according to my own observation. I'm kind of blind sometimes so what do I even know. All that matters is that I have more Yuki Nagatos on my site. God I love her.
August 17, 2021: Health, Pets, and Playlists Concepts
Is it me, or does it feel like everything is falling apart? In any case, I am starting to notice things are significantly more expensive than they were at the start of the year. I’m not liking this at all. I’ve prepared ahead of time by buying things like food and water in advance but even still, I am having to regulate my spending habits a bit more carefully. I honestly hate paying for health insurance. Call me a commie all you want but this shit wouldn’t be so expensive if the pharmaceutical reptoids wouldn’t overcharge for medications imported from China. I guess it doesn’t help that this whole nation is just flat out unhealthy. People need to lay off from eating so much. It kind of sickens me to see so many morbidly obese people in public. Saying this might piss some people off but fat shamming is a valid point of criticism. I say this as someone who used to be overweight in the past and soon realized the potential health issues that would result in not being healthy. At the very least, just do more cardio and eat less. Skip a meal if you have to. Know what your calorie limit is since it’s going to be different for everyone. Maybe don’t play video games everyday and consider another hobby. At least, these were the things that helped me overcome that barrier in my life. It certainly helped me overcome being sick with Corona Virus last year. If anything else, it’ll boost your confidence (or whatever else is left from it).
My pets have be doing well under my care. I am looking into doing something akin to a bio-active setup for both my Western Hognose Snake and my Tarantula. I think it would be neat to have an environment for both that should replicate what they would reside in the wild. Perhaps even the use of live plants would be nice. Although from what I heard and based on what my tarantula has been doing lately, I am not sure if live plants would work in my tarantula enclosure specifically. She has began to dig more tunnels and thus, kicked more dirt outside of her burrow. It’s kind of a meme to say that tarantulas are a low maintenance pet and to a certain degree that is mostly true. However, with fossorial tarantulas like Aphonopelma seemanni, they seem to love to dig and make tunnels and most of that excess dirt either gets kicked out of the enclosure or into their water dish. Usually, I clean around the area that substrate has been piled up around and remove any substrate on the water dish (sometimes mixing the wet substrate with the dry area. Since my terrarium is an open top design, drying the substrate doesn’t take too long but the sub-surface area will stay moist for a while. Something that this particular species of tarantula seems to prefer in it’s natural environment. All this digging and substrate kicking isn’t something that you necessarily want for your live plants. With that said, maybe once this tarantula finishes with it’s civil engineering project, then maybe I’ll consider looking into plants that won’t get in the way of these tunnels.
To keep my moral up in these troublesome times (not just globally but personally as well), I continue to expand my music listening by seeking out certain themes and ideas not just for my own music but also for specific playlists. I like to do themed playlists for certain ideas and concepts such as a chill-wave apocalyptic scenario where the world ends on a wide scale ice age, a standard cyberpunk radio with soft synth pop with artists like Ice Choir and Jerry Galleries with some hints of vaporwave from artists like death dynamic shroud, or even a paranormal playlist for browsing 4chan /x/ with artists like World’s End Girlfriend, Jean Michel Jarre, and captain spitvalve to get into that mood to look into stuff like extraterrestrial agendas, cryptozoology, or lucid dreaming discussions. A couple of years ago, I even created a what-if album for a Miyazaki TV series adaptation of the Nausicaa Manga in it’s entirety by incorporating music from Joe Hisaishi’s miscellaneous works up till the early 90s when the final volume of the Nausicaa manga was completed and this supposed anime series would have aired with opening and ending music sung by Narumi Yasuda. Each track was used in this expanded album of the original Nausicaa score to match to key events in the manga and I think it really would be something that could have been encorporated if such an idea was implemented. I kind of have a hard on for speculative ideas and concepts and like to do playlists to enhance those ideas. If only I could do something of that sort with my own music.
August 14, 2021: Anxiety Season
I have this fits or episodes around this time where I get this tight feeling in my chest. That along with a stinging pain on my back. I just have all this built up anxiety but for what? I mean, there’s always going to be bad news all year long. I accepted that reality years ago. But it seems like everything keeps declining by the hour. Not by the year, not by the month, not by the week, but by the hour. Just something new you learn that just makes your life a little bit more worse than it already is. Otherwise, not much else has been going on personally other than I had finally started working on some chiptune tracks after a long hiatus of not composing anything. I don’t think they are any good though but some of them have some potential. Maybe I’ll do another album with these new tracks. I really don’t have the drive to do it. I’m too tense to do more with them. Too bad there aren’t any massage parlors locally. People like to joke as those places being businesses for prostitution but I just need a back massage. I don’t care about sex when I am stressed. I don't even believe that whole meme is even true to begin with. It's just dumb.
August 12, 2021: Minor Problems
I’d like to think I am kind of a morning person. I usually don’t like to sleep after 11pm. Perhaps this is in part to the strict sleep schedule I used to deal with under my parent’s watch back when I was younger. These days, my mom doesn’t even care what time I sleep as long as I go to work or do something productive. Easier said than done when there are barely any jobs and no boss wants to hire anyone at the moment. The last time I even stayed up past midnight was back in college but that’s only because I would be doing homework and studying from the afternoon onwards towards the next morning. It was all for nothing though as despite the effort (or lack there of) I put into getting good at Engineering school, I just couldn’t hack it.
I really hate thinking about school (high school, middle school, college, it doesn’t matter which). I especially hate it when relatives ask me about it. As if I was somehow enlighten by going to college or some shit. I wasn’t enlightened in anything other than loneliness and depression. Not just depression for my own failure but depression for the path society was heading towards that I had first witnessed in the college classrooms. Stuff like identity politics, socialism, and generally cancerous activism (paid with your tax dollars if you are in the US) was a real turn off for me. When I went into college, I assumed it was going to be a place for smart and dedicated people who were going to specialize in some field and git gud at it. What I got instead was exposure to weirdos that were even more deranged than I was but somehow more socially accepted than me, political hacks and liars, discrimination based on my anxiety by the dorm staff, and the experience of being cut off from civilization.
Although that’s not the only thing bothering me lately. I cannot stand this weather one bit. I absolutely despise and hate this season with every inch of my skin cell. It’s bad enough that my room is hot as it is, but the moment I go outside it’s not only hot as the plains of hell itself, but it’s also more humid than a bathroom shower after someone takes a warm shower. I don’t think any living thing on planet earth can thrive in this kind of weather. Not even tropical species of animals can. Maybe amphibians although the heat alone would probably kill them. Tarantulas and other arachnids either take shade somewhere or dig underground like my Aphonopelma seemanni. It’s a miracle that anyone would even consider wanting to move here in the first place. I live on the gulf plains and the sea breeze isn’t even enough to cool you off. If anything, shit tends to rust easily with all the moisture in the air. I’ve been to the western deserts of the US before and even though the temperatures can reach well above 100F, at the very least, it wasn’t humid and wearing a hat and light clothes was good enough to get by.
What can I even do about it? Move out? There are no jobs and moving out cost more money than I currently have with my savings. I can’t even get a haircut because all of the barber shops are all closed down because of this stupid plandemic. Like at this point who gives a shit anymore. This outbreak has already become endemic thanks to the tards who thought opening our doors to China was a good idea. I hate having my hair long because it feels horrible with this awful weather. Like the temperature is 10 degrees hotter than it actually is with long hair. I’d shave it off at this point which means I better learn how to cut my own hair. I’d rather burn it all up and never let it grow again.
August 4, 2021: New Birthday Laptop
So I had some birthday money saved up from last month (mainly some side money I made from work to finally replace my Thinkpad X220. As much as I love that laptop, it's beginning to show it's age and I wanted something that Still had that form factor but with better hardware and something a little extra: A tablet feature. So I bought an X230T off Ebay with most of the basics included except for ram and an a hard drive (I was going to transfer my ssd to the new laptop anyways and I had some spare duel channel ram which are together about 8gb). This thing is amazing. Especially for the low price of $90.
The only caveat is that I need to pick up one of the Thinkpad stylus as it was not included with this laptop but that's something I am going to look for second hand later on. The touch screen works with your finger for the meantime. I love the fact that with Manjaro XFCE, I can use a script for this computer specifically to bind the screen flip button to change the orientation of the screen. This allows me to use this "tablet" vertically which is great for looking at documents, manga, and e-books. I could even use the "tablet" function horizontally and watch videos and play visual novels. The latter is fucking so convient because I can simply tap the screen to progress through my visual novels. Man, I should have got this laptop over the X220 years ago but they used to be very expensive (even on the used market with all the stuff included). I gotta upgrade that techblog eventually since my X220 is going to be sold pretty soon to give me some return on my purchase. I could probably use the money to buy a stylus.
August 1, 2021: One Year Anniversary
Well technically, it already passed but I am going off the first blog entry from last year as a reference for when the real "Incel Perspective" site began. Originally, the index was simply a homepage for my own use with various links to sites and boards I normally visit. I then started looking at other Neocities websites and got the idea of doing a website dedicated to keeping logs of my dreams from an online friend who was keeping a journal of all his dreams. Eventually, I started a daily blog around the time I caught the Wuhan Flu Corona Virus SARS2 bullshit and at the time, thought I was going to die. Little did I realize, I was kind of being over dramatic, mostly due to the all chaos occurring that year up to that point when I did that entry blog. That stomach virus I had this year really kick my ass and made Corona it's bitch but of course, nobody is going to freak out about a stomach virus even though it nearly made me die of dehydration. That's besides the point though.
In some ways, I think I am doing a little better from a moral standpoint compared to last year and even previous years before. There's alot of outrageous stuff going on in society, media, and politics but at this point, I'd go as far as to say I kind of don't really care about it anymore. As long as it's not personally affecting my life, I shouldn't really get worked up about it. That's not to say there are forces that are malevolent in the background who are trying to screw over humanity as a whole for their corrupted hippie utopia society where everyone is bugged in and forced into whatever social norms the mega corporations and elites desire but there's also a whole lot of signs proving that their path to this utopia isn't exactly going as planned either in part due to their own arrogance and stupidity. Either way, life is still going to get worse assuming you don't find ways to adapt or ignore it.
Even though this site is called Incel Perspective, I don't think I dwell to much on the subject of what it's like to be an Incel. Occasionally, I'll mention an event or thought that provides some insight as to what your typical incel might endure but I guess even on that end, I'm not as bothered as others who also fall under the incel banner. That's not to say I don't have my times where I do have regrets of missing out on romantic relationships in the past but I have hobbies that have been somewhat effective at giving me a cope to not think about it. In all honestly, unless I were to get into some fatal accident, illness, or outright assassinated (though I don't see how the elites would even bother going after someone as harmless and insignificant as me), I'll do what I can to continue documenting my interests, dreams, and experiences as someone who is by definition an incel. At least until (implying) I am somehow able to break out of that curse at some point, though to be brutally frank, I don't see that opportunity coming anytime soon. Like I said, it doesn't really bother me that much. I do really like the idea of changing the domain to Wizard Perspective but I have to wait until I am 30 to do that. To me, it just seems like Wizard Perspective sounds less cancerous than Incel Perspective and implies a bunch of magical and exciting things. Wizards seems more fitting for a old school Geocities site.
What does bother me is what I want to do for myself in the future. That is of course, if I am able to make a living for myself. While I have escaped the hiki-phase, there's always the risk of going back into that mess if I were to lose my job which provides all the income I need to at least be sane and healthy. The job market is more unstable than it has ever been, even compared to the crash of 2008. Going back to school isn't an option for me anymore since I no longer qualify for financial aid nor do I have the finances to go even to community college. Frankily, I just don't see the point of going if a decent paying job isn't even a guarantee anymore since society decieded that college is the new bare-minimal for education. It used to be high school back when I was growing up but now thanks to globalization, competition has become even more fierce and cut-throat. The only difference is that high school is publicly funded, university is an investment on your behalf. No money, no enrollment, no job, no life. The way I see it, investments are always risky. Your life shouldn't have to involve risks if the cost is more than you can endure. People used to get jobs in the past by showing interest and willingness to learn. You can't put a price on that will to learn from a job but most employers are too lazy to even train their employees and expect you to have years of experience for a fucking entry level job. It's the most bullshit excuse I'd ever heard in my life. These fucking boomers took the easy way up the social ladder and are too lazy to pass on their knowledge to the newer generation of people. It's no wonder our world is completely fucked. I still got to do that boomer rant all over again but I don't even know where to begin with them. Do I even need to explain why they are the worst generation? You can see it all around you.
Besides all that, I have been making improvements since last year and will continue to improve this site as much as I can. This also goes for the alternative site that I am hosting on a server separate from Neocities. I really need to do a better job of syncing the content from Neocities onto the alternative site. Apart from the shrines and videos, most of my newer posts and blogs will always end up being on Neocities first before being added to the other site. My grammar is still going to be abysmal but in a sense, I do sort of talk just as awful as I type. Just with more nervousness. I think the end of goal of all this is to have a site that isn't too complex for the user to navigate. This site will never be as fancy or flashy as some of the best Neocities pages out there but it was never intended to be like that anyways. I like simple things, so I want to keep this site simple. There's still work to be done as this site is technically never going to be completed or finalized until what I mention in the past two paragraphs occurs in my life and therefore, making a site where I talk about stuff I like and rant about things I don't like wouldn't be necessary anymore.
Here's to another year of inceldom!
July 14, 2021: Shitty dreams and HTTPS
Let's get the bad out of the way. The last couple of dreams have been pretty awful, particularly the last one. It was only this night that for once, I was able to sleep early and wake up early without being in a awful mood from these bizzare and sometimes disturbing dreams. I don't know why they feel so real to me sometimes. I am still on the camp of believing they are rare glimpses of life in other timelines or dimensions. Maybe that's just a dumb take. Perhaps everything from my dreams more or less has to do with stuff wandering in my mind, emotions, or some shit. As long as continue to log down my dreams everytime these dreams occur. I can probably find something to serve as an answer. Let's just honest though, who fucking cares anyways? The current reality is what really matters at the end of the day. Still, it's worth pondering about if anything.
On a nice note, my alternative website is now HTTPS certified like the big boys. I feel more confident in keeping that self-hosted website running. Expect some more cool shit on there you won't typically see on this Neocities site. Oh, and it also looks like the ammo shortage is coming to an end already. Perhaps I can finally change that stupid guide in my outdoor webpage for once.
July 10, 2021: Oh God Oh Man
Yikes. I'm gonna have to name this site Wizard Perspective in like one year from now. Not good at all. Like honestly, you cannot name a single fall from grace like my own life. How did I waste an entire decade doing nothing?!! It's going to be even more depressing when the next year comes around. That'll make 30 years of never having a gf, a lover, or anything of that sort. Let's strive for 40+ virgin when that happens.
I finished a music video today. You can find it on the alternative version of this site in the video section. In case if you were wondering about the low updates on this site, it's entirely because I've been working on the other site. Having your own self-hosted website opens up a lot freedoms. It also opens up a lot of risks if you don't know what the hell you are doing. I really need that HTTPs certification thing. I have to wait until I can try doing it again. Fucking limits I swear. I could also go the Cloudflare route but honestly, fuck Cloudflare (or Cuckflare as I call it). They won't like my edgy shit. At the moment, everything is hosted on a rented server but I have experimented on some Raspberry Pi hosting in the past. I think that's the ultimate goal moving foward. Though I want this current experiment to succeed first!
I fed my tarantula yesterday. Didn't do any sick take downs or anything like that. I feed her a super worm. Those you have to be careful with because they are capable of biting your Tarantula or digging into the substrate and doing two things: dying and stinking up the enclosure or becoming a beetle and absolutely destroy your tarantula the next time it molts. I don't want any of that so I usually have to crush the heads with a small hammer I use for small projects. It's not satisfying but it keeps the prey safe for my tarantula. Feeding my Hognose is a lot less of a hassle imo. Just take a frozen dead pinkey mouse out of the freezer, defrost it, and give it to the hognose. For my hognose, I'd never use live prey for his own safety.
I am thinking of looking into more invert pets. Perhaps some sort of scorpion (unlike spiders, I actually am afraid of scorpions in part due to a past experience by being stung by a bark scorpion), maybe a mantis, or even a roach like the Madagascar Hissing Cockroach (Gromphadorhina portentosa). The latter of which is known to be a very docile and clean pet. They can even be used as feeders though that won't be the reason why I am considering getting one. I'll have to think about it as I do have a spare enclosure that's small enough to be displayed in my room but large enough for one of these inverts.
July 7, 2021: Incel Perspective is now Self-Hosted
After a bit of messing around with server hosting and changing up some website pages, I finally have a self-hosted version of this very website. As far as differences go, they won't be too different except for the fact that Shrines will now be exclusive to the Isolationist Edition of the Incel Perspective website. Being self hosted also means I can post more mature content on there (as if my content wasn't mature/immature as it is already) so expect maybe some hentai related content on there with things like the anime pages. I'll use original music for that site since I think now I can use mp3s and stuff for my webpages. Perhaps even a few videos here and there without linking to Youtube. Just keep in mind at the moment, the website is HTTP only. I tried configuring HTTPS but being the brainlet I am, I fucked it up and have to wait a week because I kept refreshing my certs over and over again when my website wouldn't work. I don't think that should be an issue for most lurkers on my new webpage but it's not the most secure site on the web (or as secure as I like it to be). Consider this site to be in a some sort of alpha stage for the time being. Maybe I'll go all in on it, maybe I'll dump it after a month of messing with it. Everything should be working in the same manner as the neocities version of Incel Perspective but who knows. Maybe I messed up a link or webpage here or there (spelling errors aside). Because I am lazy, this particular blog post won't be on the new site but rest assure the more typical posts and the like will be the same (or possibly more) in content compared to this neocities site. You can find the link to the new site on the portal page and in the Incel Perspective Homepage. Stay tuned for new changes.
July 4, 2021: PSA: Audacity is Spyware Now
I wasn't planning on doing anything for this website today but unfortunately the bastards at Muse group thought it would be funny to turn a tried and true free and opensource software into a deep state, big brother, authoritarian, and downright pathetic spyware software. You can read about it here . For the time being, I will highly advise everyone to stick to an older version of audacity or outright not use it at all. Hopefully we will get a fork without all the spyware bullshit. You could also use a free and open source digital audio workstation like LMMS if you absolutely need to record some audio. Same goes for Musescore which has also been compromised.
June 30, 2021: Shrines Update
I had to shrink some of the earlier shrines in my shrine page. This is because the images were taking up alot of space on my neocities and it was preventing me from downloading and making a backup to my current site files. To mitigate this, I might consider once again doing another self hosted version of this site but with a different domain name. I wasn't a fan of the one I had prior to the one I use now so more than likely the new self-hosted version of this very stie will be Incel Perspective. For the time being, each shrine will be limited to 9 images or might even be a self-hosted exclusive seeing as each shrine takes up more space than any of my other pages. Frankly, I think most of the space would be better off being used for those webpages over the shrine pages.
I also need to work on grouping life stories seperately since some of my stories can be too long to be all on one page alongside other long stories. I am thinking of doing something similiar with daily blogs by grouping them by months or even seasons. I like the idea of grouping by seasons since it keeps my webpage bloat minimal.
So once again, the functional aspect of this site might be fucked for a short while since I'll be doing some simple organizing.
June 29, 2021: Escaping Cyberspace, Masks, and Why I hate Summer
You know, there's only so much time I can actually stand to be in front of a computer before I start driving myself crazy. This happened a lot especially in college when I had a dorm all to myself. I would constantly pace around my 9'x11' prison cell of a dorm since I hated going outside on the campus grounds. I was a grotesque person back then, not so much these days but at least it's enough that I have the confidence to go out in public. As much as people like to bash the idea of wearing a mask in a plandemic, I have to be brutally honest and say that wearing a mask has boosted my confidence, not because it's protecting me from Rona, or even allergies (which I suffer more from) but wearing a mask has done wonders for concealing my privacy in public. I feel more secure about my presence among people who I believe are vastly superior to me in everyway. By wearing a face covering, I am able to sort of keep attention away from my face. It used to be back before the "New Normal Shit" that wearing a mask in public would get you a lot suspicion from pedestrians. Now it's like personal privacy out in public has been completely legalized. Not even those security cameras are going to do much to identify me. It's really helpful in terms of handling my anxiety around public places.
Though I also require my nature fix as well. Unfortunately, the weather around this time seems to alter between tropical rain forest wet and humid, and burning plains of hell. If you try going outside in the mornings, it's muggy and there are mosquitoes everywhere biting every bit of exposed skin on your body. You go late at night and those little fuckers are still out and about pricking you and leaving you itchy all over the place. Basically, I want to do something outdoors without getting torched alive by the heat or given malaria or whatever diseases some mosquitoes could carry. I think Zika is the one that's really giving people the shits around here. I'd fear it more than Rona Flu. But my time is limited. The Fourth of July holiday is right around the corner, and I don't want to to be near anyone when they start drinking and driving, shooting carelessly into the air, and popping questionable explosives. I'll probably end up staying home and watching some anime that I need to catch up on. I've been watching that totally not a Honda advert known as Super Cub. It's been really comfy so far but I need to finish off the rest of the episodes.
In conclusion, I hate summer so much it's unreal. I don't see what people like about it that's so great assuming you don't live somewhere even close to the north pole. Maybe if you are in school and don't have to take classes in the summer, you could just slack off like I did. But there's nothing good about this season. Holidays are usually lame, steam summer sale sucks, and there's always the risk of hurricanes. I just want it to be Fall/Winter. I could wear some long sleave clothes that conceal me even more. I hate wearing shorts but it's a requirement for this season if you don't want to get a heat stroke.
June 26, 2021: It's a Girl!
No. I did not have a daughter or something like that. Did you honestly think I was capable of even getting that far? I had finally classified the sex of my A. seemanni. It's a female which is a really good sign for most arachnids. The females tend to live longer than males by a huge margin. Since this particular tarantula was adopted as a juvenile, she still has a long way to go. Hence now she shall be known as Akumu. That's all.
June 23, 2021: Dreams Come True (Kind of) and Allergies
Sometimes I think my dreams have some sort of ability to see the future because as it turned out, I ran into a former classmate last week while I was shopping. A reunion but not to the extent like it was in my dream. This guy, who knew me since elementary school since our moms knew each other, was the same age as I was however, he already had a wife and some kids; some of which were already going to school. He looked more mature than I am. I still look like I should be in middle school even though I am almost 30. It doesn't help there are probably middle schoolers taller than I am. Anyways, I didn't try to sound condenscending about myself when he asked how I was doing. I suppose I was doing just fine considering my circumstances but I am really underpreforming compared to my peers. This guy who I ran into wasn't exactly a honor role student or even cared for academics to begin with. Seeing as now he has a family, he turned out a hell of a lot better than I ever did by simply not going to college.
Man, what happened to me? I used to be a decent student although not a very popular one to begin with. Everyone sort of saw me as either a potential school shooter type or someone that was going to be mildly sucessful compared to the average student after high school. As it turned out, I was not even close to either of those things. I am simply a bum who has no drive to do anything and suffer from severe social anxiety for many years which resulted in being a failure at almost everything I did. It was liked I was groomed into this sort of lack of drive from the very beginning to just not put any effort into myself other than what was required of me to get by (A potential conspiracy theory?). Doing that is rather easy in high school; not so much in college. I am getting real sick of this college talk I keep geting from all of my relatives. I want nothing to do with college or education in general. I may be stupid but I am not going to be brain dead by not going to college. We have the internet for learning interesting (and sometimes useful) things these days anyways. When was the last time a school taught you to stand up for yourself, file your taxes, understand what a loan is, or how to apply for a job? I had to figure all that shit out right after flunking out of Uni.
In any case, this encouter was brief, but I guess I was glad that he was doing okay with himself. My mom would always trash talk her friends children as being delinquients and such but as it turned out, I ended up being the biggest loser in the end. If anything, this just reinforces my idea that education /= sucess. If I could even find a decent paying job without having to worry about resume bullshit or "standing out" for a job application for something as mundane as janitor or cashier, then my life wouldn't be as miserable as it is. Perhaps my dating prospects would be better if I had some sort of financial and individual independence away from my mom but who am I kidding? I have the social skills of a octopus. I don't even understand what I am blabbering about sometimes.
Fuck these allergies. All I did was sweap and clean my entire room and the moment a bit of dust went into my circulatory system, I am all of a sudden sneezing, wheezing, and coughing like crazy. I don't know why my allergies have been very severe lately. I never had issues with allergies growing up. I would spend hours outside in marching band with shitty humid and hot weather and never had any issues. Maybe I am just getting old and my immune system is failing me as expected. People in their 30s aren't exactly senior citizen tier so what gives?
June 13, 2021: Pee Three and X220 Keyboard Blues
I don't believe it. This E3 is fucking awful. It's not even cringe awful, or funny awful. It just flat out sucks. It's not even so much that I had high expectations for the conference but this takes the cake as one of the worst. In the words of Reviewbrah: "My disappoint is immeasurable and my day is ruined."
Speaking of ruined. I think my space bar on my X220 is starting to mess up from all the typing I have been doing. I might have to find a replacement real soon or at least, slow down my typing so I can ensure that I am typing out my spaces. It's really annoying to try to space when it can't even register. This computer is old but I think you can still get parts off ebay which is what I'm probably going to do anyways. Keyboard replacement is extremely easy for the X220.
June 11, 2021: Irregular Sleep Patterns
I have been having this issue where I just can't get any sleep at night. Sometimes, I'll sleep really early and other times, I'll finally fall asleep right after midnight. Regardless of when I sleep, I am always awake really early and it's giving me some awful migraines during the day. For once, it's not allergies killing me but inconsistent sleep patterns. Maybe it's a sign of depression? I doubt it. I haven't thought about anything depressing lately until last night of June 10th.
I had this really wholesome dream last night but it also made me feel really bad about the state of my own being. I'll go into more detail about that dream when I make a dreamlog for it but basically it was about a high school re-union event which I missed out on in real life years ago. Everyone seemed to be doing a lot better in life than I was. They didn't look down on my personal failures in this dream as I thought they would but I was still very reclusive in my behavior. I also for some dumb reason kept looking for my high school crush but she wasn't there. Make sense seeing as she graduated a year before I did.
On a brighter note, I made some improvements to my Aphonopelma seemanni enclosure by adding some new and improved substrate (planting soil) to mix with my coco-fiber substrate. I was afraid to move the tarantula out of the enclosure temporarily but its behavior has been really co-operative. It's really surprising considering A. seemanni tarantulas are noted as an passive-aggressive species that will scram the moment someone is within their proximity but this particular one seems really docile, to the point of not even giving me a threat pose or kicking hairs. If anything it made my job of adding this new substrate a whole lot easier. I plan on picking up some leaf litter to really get that natural look of the A. seemanni habitat in the wild. If only I could determine the sex of this tarantula. I think it might be a female since they look more stocky than the males but I need the molt to determine that. I also have some spare substrate left over and kind of want to adopt another species of invertebrate. What species I should pick up next should be determined eventually though probably not soon. I have other priorities at the moment.
E3 is right around the corner and already some games are already blowing their load such as Battlefield 2042 and Elden Ring. The latter is a Souls game which I don't really care about (I think they are kind of boring) and the former is another entry in the Battlefield series. I don't like that it's a "Hero Shooter" more than a class base shooter which is disappointing. The trailer was kind of cringe too. Why do game trailers always use awful music and remixes? Either way, it inspired me to go back to one of the series' classic releases that I used to play "religiously" back in the day: Battlefield 1942. Battlefield 2 is my personal favorite overall but goodness Battlefield 1942 is a lot of fun, especially when you play all of the total conversions for it.
June 4, 2021: Changes Complete
All is well and done. I finished organizing my webpages for this site so now, I can organize my sites and blogs without having this cluttered folder for my website. I can probably do a bit more to make it even more organized but I think it's fine the way it is now. I had added some new topics to the vidya and outdoor webpages. I think I have some new ideas for more posts. Maybe gun reviews, perhaps some more husbandry tips (I still need to do an overview for my snake like I did for my tarantula), mod highlights, that one review for my RCA lyra device that I need to finish. Basically, I have more ideas this time around for this website. Not so much for music but I have been making some progress on my tracks. Some of which you can now hear in the portal page. It's a shame I had to get rid of the Alpha shrine but I have more ideas for some additional shrines I want to make including for some girls that I have created on Koikatsu. Nice thing about that particular game is that you can export your creations with a simple png so in a way, you can show off and let others download your creations which is very cool.
Going back on topic, I will also add some additional life stories from my past that I think are very relavent to the whole "Incel Perspective" feel that most of my topics cover. I don't have a lot of social experiences but I do have experiences in overcoming challenges on my own (often resulting in failure but sometimes sucess). Though as you can probably tell, I don't usually like to nag about my condition as an Incelebate. While it's unfortunate that I have a lackluster social life, I make up for it by going into many hobbies. I think that's the one thing I would want anyone in my situtation to take from this site as a whole. Find something to do to distract yourself from your shortcomings and never stop learning. You have to do something to keep yourself occupied/active or else you'll start to lose any sense of living.
June 3, 2021: New Month, New Changes.
My little break is over. For the most part, nothing really particularly interesting happened apart from acquiring a new pet that I am looking after. More info on that pet will be mentioned in a new blog post under the outdoor category. Suffice to say, I had just fed it and it seems to be doing alright so far. Perhaps I can make some quality of life improvements to the enclosure but as it stands, I just rescued this pet from a sub par enclosure and hope to provided it with a proper environment that will be suitable in the near future. I had to do my research and put some money aside to ensure that I can keep this species alive and healthy. Once I have that good husbandry taken care of, it's going to be a very low maintenance pet that should be interesting to observe for years to come. I could have went with a more docile species but I don't intended on handling my pet for the sake of its' safety. In any case, I'll provide identification for the species in my outdoor blog along with some of the things I learned about it's husbandry real soon.
In terms of maintaining my website, I had to remove one of the shrines as the image sizes for the Alpha shrine were too large and it was preventing me from downloading my site off Neocities. I also have plans to organize my site files such as putting the dreamlogs into a separate folder like I did with my shrines. I'll even go as far as to make specific folders for each webpage. This does mean I have to changes the address links for these pages but that usually doesn't take too long to fix.
Speaking of things that won't be fixed, the gaming industry is due for another E3 even which is just a couple of weeks from now. Supposedly Nintendo has a new "pro" model of the Switch but I can't say for certain what it's even going to be. Aside from that, no hype for anything new. Some stuff already got "leaked" on /v/ and it's the same old same old triple-A crap that if you played before, you already played them all sort of deal (cough cough Ubisoft IPs cough cough). I don't know about you guys but I feel like every E3 conference is always worst than the previous years overall (Not saying some companies can improve from the previous years). I don't even think gaming companies even target gamers anymore. Specifically western gaming studios tend to market their games towards two kinds of people: "suckers who buy the latest sports game or triple-A shooter", or "twitter users who don't even play video games". In any case, unlike the previous year, I'll actually make some blog posts in the vidya webpage in regards to what I thought of this year's E3 conference. I won't watch all the conferences but I'll try to get a overall idea of the kind of stuff these companies are going to or planning to shit out in the near future.
May 28, 2021: Short Break
Not related to memorial day holiday in anyway but I want to give this site a break for at least a couple of days or so. At the moment, not much is going on with my life lately and it's been rather mundane if I have to be honest. I wanted to review an old device I used to use daily but I can't seem to find the cable to charge it. I haven't had any dreams lately so that doesn't give me any content to fill that dream log anytime soon. I still need to do some rants about some particular subjects but I need to be in a bad mood to do rants in the first place. Not saying life is going well for me, but I haven't been infuriated by anything as of late to make me go ranting about things just yet. Perhaps because I am saving all my harshness on this year's upcoming E3 conferences. While it technically didn't happen last year, I could have done a whole week of blogs dedicated to bashing all the lame stuff they showed off in their online presentations last year, but I haven't started blogging regularly until the end of last summer.
But for the next couple of days, there probably won't be any new additions or entries on this site. Maybe I'll try organizing my site files since they seem to be all over the place. I might have to redo some links to different pages if I do that, but I doubt editing that kind of stuff takes very long to begin with.
May 24, 2021: Stomach Virus
This last weekend can be best described as hell on earth. Rona Virus has nothing compared to the amount of suffering you get with whatever strain of stomach flu I caught Friday afternoon. I went for days unable to drink or eat anything in addition to some of the worst stomach pain I'd ever felt in my life. It was so bad, I couldn't even sleep through the night as I had to constantly tilt and turn while trying to ignore all the pain my body was going through. I think I even started hallucinating while I was awake and had these visions of spiders in my room as well as being pushed off a cliff by one of my classmates.
At least when I caught Corona last year, I was still able to use my computer and even started working on this site out of boredom (ie look at my early blog posts from 2020). Even though I was sick with that particular strain for a couple of weeks, at least the suffering was mild at worst. This stomach flu left me inncapcitated up until Sunday night. I should have gone to the ER for at least they could in theory, put me on the IV and keep me hydrated while I was struggling to keep water from all the shitting and puking I had to endure for my entire weekend. As of today, I am barely better. I can finally eat and drink like a normal human being should. I think generally, as long as you are healthy, you can survive Corona just fine. This stomach flu felt like it was killing me off in the worst possible manner possible regardless of how healthy I am. Perhaps I deserved it. In any case, glad to be better now.
May 19, 2021: Shrines and Crypto
Just for fun, I decieded to create some shrines on my neocities website. These particular webpages might as well be entirely different sites since they'll have their own themes and won't necessarily be part of the main website ecosystem. It's more of a bonus extra to my website more than anything and will not be a primary focus in terms of site designs. With that said, I'd like to make the shrines less crappy and maybe a bit more flashy than my main webpages. Apart from collecting more images to add to those shrines, I'll have to improve the general look of those shrines to be more unique.
RIP crypto though. Good thing Coinbase saved my life by preventing me from buying anymore by having one of the worst and most unreliable authentication methods I'd ever dealt with. I had sold off my holdings a month ago but didn't make any impressive profits. Still beats losing it all over the past couple of months. As always, condolences to those who bought the peak. Fuck Elon Musk and fuck China.
May 16, 2021: Finally Some New Creative Content
After a long while of trying to figure out what my next track would be, I was finally able to compose something that I think sounds resonably good. So far, the track is in an alpha state (as is the case with my most of my music to be honest), but I'll continue to refine it as much as I can given my limitied musical knowledge.
I also started experimenting with Kdenlive and Adobe Premiere Element. The former being FOSS and Linux compatible while the latter is proprietary typical Adobe Stasi Shit but assuming you stick it to the scammers at Adobe (hint hint you know exactly what I am talking about if you are familiar with obtaining Adobe software), the program is pretty easy to find and very easy to use. I'd describe it as somewhat like a superior version of Windows Movie Maker without all the complex shit that you would find in the normal Adobe Premiere. Why am I looking into video editors? Because first, I want to upload my own tracks to Youtube for the sake of having them play on my websites (ie the Portal Page) and second, because I want to make some AMVs. Unfortunately, Youtube likes giving the wettest and sloppiest head to it's corporate masters so I can't upload those AMVs to Youtube without getting copyright strikes up the wazoo. Seriously, I'm not trying to upload pirated shit, I just want to show some AMVs with some feels like the good old days of Youtube. In any case, they'll be uploaded somewhere one way or another.
May 11, 2021: Major Site Changes.
I have been brainstorming my website design lately, and since I have some time, I figured now would be the right time to start working on some UI changes. Basically what I plan to do (specifically for my topic pages like the dream log, vidya, anime, technology, music, outdoor, and life thread is break up each topic or article into their own seperate individual page. Each page will have the same layout and design as all the other pages, with access to the navigation menu on top and a back button to return to some catelogue of different posts and blogs. That way, the reader won't have to scroll through a whole bunch of text just to get to some specific blog. The Daily blog for now will stay the same, seeing at it's mostly chronological and is not something that has to be broken up into different webpages just yet. The up side of having different blog posts seperated by individual webpages is the fact that I can now do some extra stuff like including relavent images and the like, to complement some blog posts.
As for everything else, unless I get some really good ideas for stuff like rants, reviews, or a really significant dreamlog, I won't have any new posts for the time being until this redesign is finished. It'll be a while until I am able to start posting new content again.
May 10, 2021: Something Rather Stupid (but Kino)
If you want to make a video, film, or anime seem like it's straight out of some Criterion Collection or some 2Deep4U arthouse film. There's these effects on VLC that allow you to do it rather easily. First, get VLC. Then, open whatever video file you want on VLC. Pause the video and go to tools and then Effects and Filters. Go to the Video Effects tab. Set the saturation value all the way to the left, decrease brightness just a tad to the left, enable film grain and put it whatever you feel looks good. Now go to colors and set Sepia to 50 (this is optional btw) Save and click okay. Now your last step is to go Video on the menubar on top and go down to aspect ratio. Set it to 4:3 (the way the artist intended) and voila! You now have a KINO player for whatever video files you want to play with an arthouse feel. Now people will think you are film connoisseur with the most refined tastes in cinema. Bonus points if your video file in question has alot of obvious visual imagery.
Sample 1: Click here
Sample 2: Click here
May 6, 2021: Composition Woes and Vidya Shows
I just can't compose anything lately. I am not sure why I am all of a sudden having issues with music creation. Perhaps because I've been stressed over the past few weeks, or maybe I just have more of that creative fog that hits around this time of the year. Even before making this website what it is today, I'd always have these seasons of just not composing anything new. I'd try to go to my old tracks to try to alter them more than they already need to be but even then I don't proceed any futher than minor changes. It's very off putting. Sometimes I wonder if group musicians ever have this problem. Back when I used to make videos with my cousin, we would often talk idea back and forth and we always had something new to do for a vidoe skit. Since I compose music on my own, I don't usually get that luxury to bounce off new ideas and concepts. I could always ask on /mu/ threads but there's really no point in doing that since that board in particular isn't as active as it used to be. Something that usually happens (not just with music but pretty much anything in general) is I'll occasional help someone out with something like advice for making music or helping somoene out with an academic question but the moment I'd ask for help, I am usually ignored, even on image boards. Maybe I am just cursed to look after myself for long periods of times. Maybe I just need more inspiration before I can start making something again. It's not like my livelyhood depends on making music to be fair. It's all just a side hobby to keep me from playing vidya and wasting my time doing nothing, but composing music isn't just something you can just do right away if you plan on making anything remotely decent.
Speaking of vidya, we might actually get an E3 this year but who am I kinding? Most the stuff anounced these days usually always ends up being revolting or just plain disappointing anyways. Most of the game companies just do pre-recorded presentations which is just meh. I used to look foward to some of the cringy stuff that you'd usually find in the old E3 shows back when they used to do live presentations. While I'm at it, fuck Sony in particular. They used to be a solid electronics company and their consoles up to the Playstation 3 used to be some of the best in the market. Now they are a garbage west coast gaming company that makes medicore movie games with b movie plotlines and no gameplay. If I wanted a "cinematic" experience, I'd watch a movie. Not sure why anyone would want a PS5. No games. Period. Not even trying to be a meme joke like with the PS3. At least the Playstation 3 was the cheapest Blueray player at the time when it was released. PS5 is just an expensive paperweight that looks like a wifi router. I even skipped the PS4 generation because it was just a PS3 with games that didn't even change all that much from the last gen except for framerates that almost reached 30 frames per second (PS5 "games" still don't even achieve 30FPS minimal LMAO sad). Microsoft at this point is just going to make the Xbox brand a multi-system service for renting online games on any platform anyways. They just so happen to have a console just for people who don't want to bother with the shortage of GPUs lately (not to mention the shortage of electonics hardware in general). Nintendo directs are usually the only presentations I'd even look foward to as a Switch owner but they have a tendcy of acting like a shitty company, especially towards their own paying fanbase. Sometimes I question to myself why I still bother being a Nintoddler. Why even bother with gaming anymore apart from the occasional indie game or old school favorite from the past. Modern game designers need to take note, considering how everything online including user data is sold to advertising and marking researchers who often work for these gaming companies, maybe they should get the hint and start making good games for once if they ever want to see me buy one of there games ever again.
On the plus side, no more sinus issues so far. I really hope spring season ends soon. Not that summer is going to any better. I am so glad to not be in marching band anymore. Do schools even do marching band anymore?
May, 5, 2021: Quality Control Issues Since 2020
Something I noticed today on one of my rifles is that the hammer catch wasn't grinded down to the point where it needed to be for the trigger to reset after being released. This meant that if I were to fire this rifle, I would have to push the trigger forward and then pull to get that firing pin to activate properly. To be specific, this was a rifle I had picked up last year right at the midst of the pandemic. My fault for being late picking it up but just in general, there are some serious quality control issues with most things being produced from the beginning of March 2020 to the current year of 2021. Not just with firearms but with things like cars, electronics, computers, programs, pretty much anything manufactured since the start of the pandemic and shut downs. I'd strongly advise you do your research and proceed with caution before you get anything made in the year 2020 or 2021.
Some things just seem like they were rushed out of desperation and due to massive layoffs, there might even be a shortage of employees for things like cars which I heard plenty of horror stories about new cars breaking down weeks after driving. I don't know how anyone could think stuff like this is normal. Things used to at least last for years if not decades (sometimes centuries if it's really high quality) but thanks to the likes of Apple and Samsung (and smartphone culture in general) the manufacturing of goods had shifted from making reliability and modularity a priority into making a product with a planned expiration date so that consumers will be forced to buy the next generation of their product. It's no wonder why these corporations are trying to fight against movements like the right to repair.
This year and the one prior are the worst examples of this because the globalist market system had fallen apart in part due to the government's response to the pandemic, and even still, some countries are still under lock down and reduced production. There are now shortages of supplies and stuff is getting more expensive and even more lower quality. Who knows if it's all intensional at this point. At the end of the day though, it's not something that can be overlooked because some loser on the internet is complaining about. Everyone suffers from the lackluster production and quality control thanks to the restrictions and reductions placed upon the work force of these products while the demand is still very high.
May 4, 2021: Some Good News
Turns out I won't end up losing my job due to my illness. I am relieved. Won't have to work until Thursday so I have time to do some other things besides take my antibiotics. One of those involves making a Youtube account for my music. I don't like Google or Youtube but I figure it would be another way to dump tracks that I could potentially use as background music for my neocities website without paying for supporter perks. Plus, I can use it as a means to share some nice channels that I can recommend. Last but not least, I haven't been able to post much though I want to post some stuff about the software I use in the technology webpage. Some properitary, other FOSS. Nothing really new for musical ideas unfortunately. Just haven't had the time or energy to compose some new music.
May 3, 2021: Sinus Infection/Job Seeking
I've been very ill with a severe sinus infection. I never liked spring but just by going outside for a few seconds is enough for pollen and allergies to knock me out completely. My head hurts like crazy, and I can feel tension and pressure in my nasal area. I haven't been able to work or do anything due to my condition. I don't know how anyone could survive all this pollen in the air, let alone the unbearing heat. At this point, I'm probably going to lose my posiiton at work so I already started seeking new employment since yesterday. There's no jobs at all. I might consider security work since it's very anti-social and usually not very involved apart form reporting suspecious customers or inccidents but the pay isn't that good. Data Entry would be nice since I can type reasonably fast and it's usually a work at home case which means I don't have to drive anywhere. I wouldn't mind a coffee shop or library job either. I kind of preferrer those enviroments over other working locations like stores or restaurants but with everything being remote and impossible to apply for these days, it's almost seems imfessible at this point. Real talk, I am getting sick of all these job requirements and their "experience" requirements. Nobody wants to train anymore. It's set up in a way where only boomers or people with connections get jobs now. It's horrible. I envy normal people. It would be nice to just get work without a nagging mother telling you to go back to school, get married, and all that when the world out there doesn't work as it used to back when my mom was my age. I really don't like these times at all.
April 28, 2021: Mother Issues
I can't get any breaks from my mom. She's an absolute pschopath to the highest degree. Everytime I try to argue her dumb remarks, it always results in a screaming match and I just can't reason with her. I can do a whole rant on why she's an awful person. Perhaps another time. It didn't take long for my car to be fixed, but good grief am I just so tired of it all. I have no luck whatsoever. It's like the worst case scenario always is expected for me but somehow I still manage to make it through with a few bruises and without perishing. The amount of emotional and physical turmoil I've gone through had made me strong in some ways but always tired at the end of the day. Oh well. I just had a bad roll from the start, might as well deal with whatever I was given.
April 27, 2021: Broken Car, "Vacation"
My car broke down on the way to work and I got stuck in the middle of traffic on the highway. I had to call up a tow service to take it to a mechanic and then had to get an Uber ride to work and back home. I am using my Vacation to make sure my car is fixed and won't break down again. Why can't anyone make a car that just works anymore? There's too much technology put into cars these days that literally one module deciedes to fail and all of the car's functions break down alongside it. So I guess that leaves me more time for blogs and other things while I wait. Speaking of which, I haven't done anything in terms of music composition as of late. I just haven't had the drive to create music lately.
April 23, 2021: Personal Maintenance and Seeing Relatives
Over the past few days, I've been taking a short break from blogging. My main focus at the moment was doing some cleaning around my room, getting some stuff re-organized, simple housekeeping, all that kind of stuff. I can't stand a messy room. Everything has to be completely organized and I'm constantly getting rid of stuff I don't use anymore like old monitors, computers, furniture, and so on. Most of which I end up donating to Goodwill. Whatever I can sell, I'll sell on some mobile app thing that's probably spying on me but it makes me money so can't really complain.
On top of that, I had to see some relatives from out of state. I normally don't like seeing relatives since they usually ask so many redudant questions like: "How's is school?", "Got a GF yet?" "Why aren't you married yet?", etc. It went better than expected. I haven't seen them in years and they said I lost a lot of weight, which is in part due to my new change in physical activity and abstaining from junky foods. Last time I saw them, I wasn't in the best of shape, physically or mentally but now I am sort of new and improved in alot of ways. I cannot make it more than clear enough on how much cardio improves your life in so many ways. My relatives tell me I still look like I am 16, even though I am almost in my 30s. I guess that's the one positive aspect of my genetics.
With that said, I still have a lot of anxieyt issues, still don't have any friends, still not married, still without a degree, and working as a wage slave for at least 5 days a week. Just enough to pay my insurance, bills, and some food. Not exactly high rolling at the moment but the fragile job market does scare me. I'm basically homeless if I ever lose my job and can't find another. And they said Millenials had it easy.
April 20, 2021: Background Audio
Nothing interesting occured today other than adding some music off youtube on my Portal Page. If only I could upload my own music and set it as a background without paying for a supporter role. I would add music to the rest of the site but I think that might increase load times between pages and add some unecessary audio to my pages. You're probably better off just listening to whatever music you like as you browse my webpage.
April 15, 2021: Payday
Just a few more hours until payday. I have been a bit short on cash since I had to pay some bills a couple of weeks ago but this paycheck should be a huge relief (I hope) in terms of having some money for prep purposes.
I've been getting into renaissance music lately. There's some good stuff from that period of time that's vastly different from the stuff you would hear in Baroque, Medieval, or Classical music. I'd describe it as very floaty music, no structure, and dare I say, rather relaxing. It's not the kind of music that would give you a heart attack like some of the music of romantic era composers (post Beethoven) nor is it completely unstructured like some post-modern composer styles. The instrumentation is quite varied too since the Orchestra essemble had not been established yet so you'll hear all sorts of strings, horns, winds, and vocals. I highly recommend giving a listen to some playlists on Youtube, Spotify, or get some albums off Soulseak.
No futher info on the state of my cousin's condition other than they were able to remove a few pre-cancerous tumors early which is a relief for sure but they still need to do more test from what I heard.
April 14, 2021: Potential Bad News
My cousin has been severely sick over the past month. He's only a year younger than I am. I am worried he might have some sort of cancer since they found some tumors. I'm hoping it's not cancer. I do have a family history of cancer that runs in the family and it's even worse for my cousin's side of the family. Just when you think things couldn't get any worse, life always has a way of proving you more than wrong. I don't even feel like finishing my rants to be honest. I'd rather talk about something interesting if I had to be honest. Maybe when I feel like being in a rant mood, I'll do a rant on a topic I am familiar with. Otherwise, I'll continue to do blogs on other topics including some more interesting stuff like conspiracy theories.
April 11, 2021: Heat Wave?
I heard a rumor based on NOAA observations that North America will have particularly bad heatwave starting in May 14 - 29. This particular heatwave will cause the temperatures to be 11-19 degrees more than the usual average around summer time. If this is true, then I (along with anyone else who lives in the North America region such as Canada, US, Mexico, etc) better start preparing for an increase strain on the powergrid once again. Perhaps I should look into a solar backup unit for my place so I can have some cooling if the power grid were to ever go out or worse, a hurricaine of a particularly bad magnitude were to make impact. This heat wave won't be over until October. It seems like 2021 will continue to get worse from here on out. Good grief.
April 8, 2021: New Major Changes!
I now have a rant page so I can now dump all of my incoherent ramblings all in one page separate from my daily blogs. That way, I don't overflow my blog with a bunch of walls of text. I also did away with numerical blog titles since I already have the dates as the titles anyways. I am also getting rid of a few entries in the daily blog that really don't need to be there in the first place. Mostly if they were kind of pointless to the grand scheme of current events in my life, I probably removed it. I did have to take down my rant on boomers though. This is because I want to do something more to the point and less angry typing like I was doing when I wrote it. It'll be on my rant page for sure.
I also added another new webpage called Goodies. This is going to be a place where vistors can download some of my creative content such as OC wallpapers, my music albums, maybe videos, or anything really. I'll do my best to keep it strictly OC since I don't want to distribute pirate material on my website. At the moment, I don't have some sort of way for users to download things but I might make a cloud storage account to link my content. One problem with modern internet culture is that hardly anyone produces content anymore. It's all algorithms and recycled content. Apart from being a wierdo with poor social skills, I hope to at least contribute something to the web besides my bad writing skills such as my music, drawings, wallpapers, or even mods I created. Speaking of which, I should probably learn some programming too. I am leaning towards C++ since I took a course for that back in college and did pretty well in that class (but I hardly remember anything). Python might be another option too but /g/tards look down on python as a programming language. Frankly, I don't really care as most of /g/ can't even program anyways (including myself lmao!). There's a reason there's the meme of "I'll make the logo!" is really prevalent in most /g/ projects. What ever happened to CloverOS?
April 4, 2021: Allergies and Other Topics
I hate Spring. Almost as much as summer but not to that extent. At least the mornings and nights are nice and cool, but the allergies and pollen are unbearable. I end up having to wash my car by hand just to get all that pollen out of my windows. It's the only time of the year where I think wearing any kind of mask is justified. Anything to keep pollen out of my respitory system.
I thought about a couple of dailyblog topics that I want to bring up later on in the future. Mainly my thoughts on atheisism (and my phase with it), automobiles, and perhaps some other topics if they ever come up. I am doing my best to avoid political topics for the time being since nothing really comes out good from it, regardless on your political views. At this point, there are a dozen of other political commentaries and sources that do a much better job at covering those subjects anyway and unless it affects me on a personal level, I don't see a reason to really talk about them anyways.
Musically, I haven't really done much either. I guess I am still putting a hold on any compositions for the time being. I kind of want to play Basketball again. I was playing some street games wih my relatives on easter holiday and did pretty well despite my short height handicap. Basketball tends to be a tall person's game so if you are used to going up against people your size, you will not have any tactics with dealing with shorter people like myself. It's one of the reasons why the coach in middle school rejected my desire to join the basketball team back in the day. And people think they know anything about discriminatio
April 1, 2021: Yes
Am I a Gigachad? Yes
March 31, 2021: A State of The Address on This Website
Like most incels, I don't have a very high opinion of the society that made us who we are. With that said, I don't have any agressive tendencies towards them like most others who identify as incelebates. I think the biggest issue with "normalfags" is just the fact they don't know any better. Hence, I can't really blame them for the way they treat me. In many ways, I feel like they are mentally worse off than most incels since they are living in a state of content with the way things are. They don't question the media, the politicans, or the absurdities being pushed by the system upon them. Somtimes, they just don't have any exposure to the reality. Othertimes, they don't even have time to look into the issues behind the way things are. I find it very rare that somoene under this category would outright act like there isn't a problem despite knowing the facts. Most people are capable of getting out of that illusion of reality.
Which is the reason why I make this blog. I want to reach out to normal people (assuming there are any out there on neocities), that will come across this site and get an experience for what it's like to be in this state of loneliness and being the outcast. Society tolerates alot of things but people who fail at social interactions are excempt from this tolerance. We are mistreated, insulted, ignored, and/or punished in most cases. For most of us in this situation, it's not like this is the lifestyle we chose out of preference. Some of us have issues with anxiety, others traumatized by something, and most of us just don't have the social experience to communicate with everyone else. I think the majority of incels like myself just want to be treated like everyone else. Even if we tend to be on the shy side, that's not to say we don't disdain social interaction. There might be some aspects of socialization we don't agree with but that shouldn't be enough to warrant being banned from communication with others. That's not to say there are some of us in the incel community that want nothing to do with society and for that, they have every right to persuit that lifestyle. Just as long as they aren't causing anyone harm, they really shouldn't be looked down upon either.
If you can't socialize, you can't love. I think lust drives alot of what society values in the modern age and it often tourments incels like myself by making it seem as if we aren't worthy of being part of this openly sexualized community in which everyone is having relationships. Again, most of us aren't capable of engaging in conversations but that's not to say we don't desire the same if not less. To be frank, I think the most incels really want is companionship. If society would cater towards those needs just as it to serve for other abstract demographics, then there is no excuse not to do it for the socially crippled. There's only so much self improvement that one can do (going to thearpy for anxiety never ends well for incels judging by the many stories I hear). While incels can live statisfying lives without a relationship, it does place them out of the biological need to reproduce and contribute to humanity. In order for that to occur, it's up to the responsibility of the non-incel to understand and share sympanthy with the incelebates.
That's my perspective of it all. Not really anythign academically backed from those statements but just a flow of thoughts. I normally don't like to speak on behalf of anyone, even if they are in a similar situation like I am. The reason I make this website is to show the unfiltered and geniune side of my story that I wouldn't otherwise mention elsewhere. All of my achievements and struggles as an incelebate are here to show. If and maybe, I ever get out of this situtation, I'd probably have no excuse to keep this blog going. I'd end it with some sort of timeline of how I was able to escape the miserable state and reach social salvation.
March 25, 2021: Easter Week: Music, Cardio, and Diets
It's been rather slow these past few days. One thing is certain though, I am still struggling with ideas for some music. I made a joke track a few days ago but that was pratically it. I need a song with more emotion. That's usually hard to make especially on Korg M01D. I wish I had the time to git gud at DAWs like FL Studios or Mixcraft. The latter of which I could but it's very time consuming. I don't like moving my mouse all over the place to drag and place notes. A touch screen interface like that on the 3DS Korg M01D just makes alot of sense and is almost on par with writing notes down on a piece of paper with the added bonus of being able to hear your notes, loop them, and adjust them on the fly. Perhaps there should be a hardware solution to music production that provides the same ease and versatility of something like a 3DS running Korg M01D but with more options for things like dynamics, tone control, and other advance features.
Since last week, I have finally caught up with my usual cardio schedule after slacking off for a while. I think the minimal I will do for each week is something about 5 days with 1 hour of cardio each. I am still fit but I have to be careful of what I eat as well. I keep my meals small and simple. I like simplistic meals. I was never a fan of adding a bunch of stuff to my meals anyways. It's why I never had an interest in learning cooking. Sure I can make simple meals for myself but that's all I feel like I need to do eitherway. In otherwords, I don't do gourmet. As a smaller statured person, my calorie intake is going to be a lot less than the typical 2000 calories a day (for a normal person), so I don't eat meals like regular people. For example. Sometimes for lunch or dinner, I'll eat a tune sandwhich, or maybe a hotdog, or a burger I make myself. I don't do sides or appetizers. Desserts are fine only in moderation or special holidays or celebrations.
It's a rather simple diet plan to be frank. I think where most people have problems with weight loss is when it comes to depression and self control. Depression is not the easiest thing to overcome but self control over your urges to eat something is doable even if it is challenging. My advice is to lock yourself away from any food source and focus on doing something else. That could even be cardio though doing another thing like reading a book, watching a movie, or pretty much anything but eating is a solid way to keep yourself from eating too much. Skipping meals is another good tatic I use. You really only need breakfast and lunch. Back in high school, I didn't even eat lunch since the food was some of the worst I'd ever tasted or seen in school. On the other hand, it probably caused me to be a bit malnutrient and unfit by not getting something to eat during the day which is why I don't recommend skipping your mid day meal but I don't think there is any harm in skipping dinner. Don't take any of this as expert advice though. This is just stuff I figured out on my own that worked for me. Genetics, your current health, and the kinds of foods you eat are going to vary between person to person so you must do your own research and self reflection.
March 24, 2021: Oneitis Episode is Over
After a few weeks of regret and dispair, I was able to overcome those feelings around the beginning of this week. I think all the busy stuff I have been dealing with helped keep my mind off her for a while on top of not having any new dreams lately. It's good to finally be focused again. I haven't been able to compose anything new lately nor work on the stuff I have been composing as of late. Just never had the time to work on that kind of stuff lately but hopefully the break will allow me to refresh my creativity.
I can't guarantee this episode would be the last time I sulk over her again. Unless I were to meet someone who I find to be my ideal match, I don't think that feeling will ever go away permamently. On the other hand, I think I have really gone through this whole no gf situation for too long already. At some point, I have to do something to at least improve myself socially in order to overcome what is left of my anxiety remaining. It's a lot easier in many ways now since I now think nobody in my life really remembers me from back in my school days. I have become more confident in taking care of myself since I don't really have anyone else to help me in most cases. Being helpless for so long, it's only a matter of time before you will eventually master the art of helping yourself. It's part of my ideology now to be self reliant as much as I can be. Normal people have it made when they can just rely on their friends for help, but the moment their friend isn't available, they are kind of out of luck. On the other hand, while I have this feeling of being a jack of all trades, I can't say I'm a master at anything.
March 23, 2021: Manjaro All Over Again, Selling Laptop
I had decieded to jump ship from running Fedora on my X220 and switched to Manjaro Archietect. I wanted to see what it was like to do a minimalist install. In this case, I use my favorite minimal wm I3 but rather than use tint2 as my taskbar, I went with the defaults (I3bar) this time. In addition, everything in terms of the theme is configured with pywal (just like my other i3 setups) though I3bar is also affect as well. Unlike the other configs for I3, I'll be using I3 gaps for this particular setup. Setuping this computer will still be a work in progress as I still need to move some files over and config everything until it looks nice.
In addition, I have finally considered retiring my X240 laptop from service. I was never a fan of that trackpad compared to the one in my daily driver (X250) so I found someone I could sell it to for a very generous price (Below Market Value). Of couse, I had to put Windows 10 LTSC (or whatever it's called) so they can use it for school or whatever. Ideally these Thinkpads shine when they run Linux but people have their pirorities and I won't try to convert my buyer with nonesense if they just need a laptop for school. Perhaps I can offer some additional services for them later on like upgrading the screen into an IPS 1080p one, or maybe an SSD upgrade later down the line. For now, I hope the 240GB HD will suffice for them (It's all I have for spares atm).
March 19, 2021: Dreamlogs
I started having dreams again after not having them for quite a while. Both of them seemed to involve being back in school or uni. Perhaps it’s because deep inside me I feel like I lost something once I ended my pursuit in education. In any case, since yesterday, I have began writing down what I have written in my memos usually after I wake up from these dreams and then doing my best to provided as much detail in the dream logs as I always do.
One of the things I try to achieve in writing down these experiences in the dream world is the ability to do something called lucid dreaming. It’s where you have complete control over the stuff that happens in your dreams. To do that, you have to first realize you are in a dream before you can start manipulating that reality. Not the easiest thing to do when you are in the moment. If anything, right after I wake up from these dreams, I feel like I have to go back and finish what I was going to do in these dreams. I am just unable to control the narrative of these dreams.
In most cases, it seems like these dreams are just simply out of my control. I had this theory about alternative timelines. I think there is a connection to that in the case of dreams. To put it simply, dreams are sort of an insight into the mentality of another version of yourself in a different timeline. One where history, science, and the circumstances in which you grew up in, are totally different from the one we experience in this reality. Sometimes, our consciousness is not going to be in our original self, and there have been cases in many dreams other than my own where people had gain a conscious into people who aren’t even themselves. Something about these dreams often feel more real than they should. I know for a fact some people have some really bizarre dreams but nothing in my history of dreams has ever portrayed anything that could have been impossible in this reality generally. It’s hard to say. In most cases, stuff I think about in this reality often come into fruition in these dreams. In other cases, they can just come out of nowhere.
March 18, 2021: Gun E-Drama and Other Things
First off, there is some hilarious e-drama going on with the gun community. It involves boomers, SVD and AK fanboys, and one of the most outragous and rather hilarious stories of betrayal and stupidity ever documented within the gun comunnity. I recommend starting with the video here: MAC Hungarian E-Drama Part 1! I will probably do my own take on the situation perhaps in my outdoor blog once everything is settled and I can formulate my own opinion about my views and critisims of the gun community: especially when it comes to boomers.
On another note, I have tried doing some modifications to my website but I reverted back to the original style as I was having issues getting the sites to update to the new css. Maybe servers were slow that day but I might consider doing an overhaul of the site design perhaps sometime in the near future. I was also able to compose some new tracks this week but they still need some work done before they are completed.
March 16, 2021: Some quick updates to my webpages
I wanted to do a bit of experimentation and added some videos and additional images to some of my webpages. I don't want to over do it but I wanted to see if having them would actually hinder preformance or not. My end goal is to have some sort of custom ost for this entire website. Basically, I'll compose a loop for every webpage on this site, each with it's own theme. I could go into my archieves and find somestuff that might work at the momement, I would prefer to start from scratch and compose the music specically for each webpage and it's topic. Composing music takes time but I think if I do proceed with this, I could make something rather unique and engaging for this website. Adding some character, in other words.
March 15, 2021: Some additonal updates on some compositions
For a moment, I thought I was going to do nothing today as I woke up sick with severe allergies this morning. My migrane was too severe to do anything other than lie down. It wasn't until a few hours prior towards midnight that I have somewhat recovered enough to do something today. I composed a new track which sounds rather different from my usual tracks. Has a bit of a melancholy jazzy ballad sound to it. I made two versions of this track: one that was recorded directly from my 3DS via aux cable and another with the midi exported to Mixcraft with more realistic sounding instruments. The latter still needs some work as I feel like the drums are off by a slight tempo and I kind of prefer the retro 80s/90s sound that usually is standard for Korg M01D on the 3DS. Glad I was able to at least accomplish that before the day ended. There was also another track I have been working on but I scrapped it for the time being. Not exactly what I had wanted to compose in the first place but the previous track was good enough for me.
March 7, 2021: Oneitis Illness
I didn't get any sleep last night. Normally it's not difficult for me to fall asleep early in the night but tonight was a bit different. I couldn't stop thinking about my high school crush. The girl in question whom I had admired so much and yet I couldn't tell her how I felt about her, It haunts me all throughout the night. I still remember every detail about her. I am overly obsessed with her. I shouldn't be. It's been years, if not more than a decade since I last saw her. Somehow, I still daydream that I will one day see her again. It's rather ridiculous to even think about such an event even occurring. From my memory, she wanted to go to Uni somewhere out of state, so she's probably already settled wherever she went right after high school. I don't think she would ever comeback to our hometown; she never liked it here.
I don't even feel strong attraction towards women like I used to. Most women these days are all trashy and degenerate. They are all the same. Doesn't matter where you go. Maybe it's just a trend in western countries. Overly sexualized, whorish, will sleep with anyone including dogs, self degrades their own bodies with shit like piercings, tattoos, and unnatural hair dyes. The average western woman is absolutely abhorrent in everyway both in appearance and in personality. Not that Eastern girls are any better. They are worse in their own way. Greedy, overly controlling, loud, and ready to backstab you the moment someone with more wealth is an option for them. Not to mention, they have a tendency to overuse makeup like their western counterparts. There's a reason why we have a serious problem with the dating scene not just here in the US but mostly everywhere else in the world sans North Korea, Iran, or any other closed off country.
I really hate to use this phrase but it's kind of true with my old high school crush. She really wasn't like most girls I knew back then or even now. I guess the very fact that she didn't overtly degrade me like most others in my class/school made me respect her in some way. She was all natural in the sense she was very humble in personality and appearance, though she did had a short temper with those she disagreed with but never when it came to interacting with me. Why did she had to treat me like this? I wasn't worthy of any good treatment from anyone, let alone any girl at my school. I don't have anything special to offer. In fact, I could honestly say I am inferior to a lot of other guys out there who actually have their shit together. I had a bad roll in stats for my inception from birth to put it bluntly. In a sense, it was her fault I am feeling this way.
Like I said earlier, I don't think I'd ever see her again. I don't think I'll even find another girl that is just like her or better. But should all the things line in the right place and in the right time, and if by some dumb luck, I was to ever meet her again, I'd tell her exactly how I felt about her. That is unless she's already with someone else which even then, I would finally have a conclusion to my curiosities. She'll never read this webpage or blog but if she ever did, I'd have this to tell her:
March 6, 2021: Low Enthusiasm
I finally finished my entry for my dream entry after holding off for two days. What happened the night I was writing down my entry, I suddenly got very sleepy and dazed off until I feel asleep with my laptop on my lap. I am usually never this tired but I guess all that wagecucking that I have been doing over the past few days along with my daily exercises has really decreased my drive to engage in my hobbies as of late. To be blunt though, the dream in question wasn’t really my favorite kind of dream to write about compared to other dreams I had reported but it’s still important that I make an entry for it for reflective purposes. I could have a dream where all I did was make cookies and I would still need to make an entry for it regardless.
As for everything else, I do feel less motivate to do anything else, even as far as to just go on my laptop or desktop and browser the web. It’s not that I am depressed or anything. I am just physically tired and don’t have any drive to do anything at the moment. Almost as if I am out of creativity. I suppose if I give myself a break or two, I can recover and have something new to add to my webpages. It’s not any better for recent news either. Everything just seems kind of boring now even with all the freakouts from the communists running our country whom can’t even get their laws passed properly. Like for fuck sakes, who thought appealing to the twitter audience on a national scale was a good idea? Sometimes I wonder if I am even less pathetic than the average twitter user who posts about politics all day. I really don’t like what social media has done with our society. It was bad enough back in my day when these things weren’t exposed to normalfags. Now it’s running the way society behaves in the real world. That should be concerning to anyone with an IQ over 100.
I am still debating on getting a 3D printer but I don't want to waste my money.
February 22, 2021: Self Hosting Website
I got my Raspberry Pi up and running with Debian and now have the ability to host outside of neocities. I did some tests by connecting directly to my IPv6 address and sure enough, I can access my html pages that were stored locally on my raspberry pi memory and everything works as it would on Neocities. The only difference now is that I can do a little bit more in theory like have audio and video stuff on my website that is hosted on my server. I still need to do some research into hosting websites, get a domain name, and ensure that everything is secure on my end before I can start advertising it.
Febuary 21, 2021: Burdened
I am not going to lie. I really hate helping people out. Not so much online but more so offline in the real world. I don’t know why people always think I am some sort of intelligent and well organized individual. I am far from anything like that. They keep asking me to help them with little problems and little issues that they themselves can figure out on their own. They can fucking do a search on Google for all I care. Anything is better than asking me. I hate dealing with other people. They make me extremely nervous just trying not to piss them off or say something that’ll make me look stupid.
Why me? I fucking hate it. I just want to be left alone. At the very least, return the favor and help me get a hold of my life. I want to be happy. I want love. I want to be normal. But I am a worm. A worm at the bottom of the food chain. Nobody wants to help me but they all make me give up my own personal time to get an answer to some stupid question or to get advice on making some joke for their friends. I am not funny either. I just cope with the fact that my life really fucking sucks and the world as a whole is fucking awful. For the love of god. These people have other friends. They can ask them instead. I am not even friends with them.
Febuary 20, 2021: 2nd Album is COMPLETE!
Finally, after wasting so much time, I finally finalized my 2nd Album. I still need to do some audio level adjustments but it's already on bandcamp! I'm gonna take a break from /mu/ shit and start working out again starting tomorrow.
February 21, 2021: New Webpage
In the end, I made the choice to just make a life story page. I didn't have enough paranormal experiences to fill up an entire page so I might as well plump them into this new webpage in the near future. I have a hard time creating stories of my own without making it feel like I am writing about myself so I might as well talk about some stuff that happened in my lifetime. I started off writing about one of the worst experiences in my life since I have been pondering about it lately.
Febuary 19, 2021: Back to Normal (for now)
Power and water are finally back in the house. Looks like everything should be back to normal soon. Food and Gas is still kind of scarce. That's to be expected since power was gone for about a week already. I was keeping myself occupied by doing offline activies like listening to my cassette player, reading books, or using my electronic devices on a power bank. I finished catching up on reading the manga: "Please Don't Bully Me Nagato", as well as catching up with the two visual novels I played over the course of two weeks. I plan on playing more VNs in the near future. I think VNs are now my new favorite medium at the moment, followed by books and music.
I thought about creating some new webpages speaking of which. Maybe a page dedicated to literature. I can't admit I am an avid reader but I do occasionally read some novels and books from time to time. I'll have to think about it before making that webpage. Another idea is to start some sort of daily fiction story telling in the same format as these blogs but with a fictional narative, characters, and plot. I always wanted to try my hand at fiction writing but I keep scrapping ideas and can never get started. Maybe I might do something. Not really sure.
Something I thought might be interesting is a paranormal webpage. It would be dedicated to personal paranormal experiences, thoughts on unordinary encounters and events, religious experiences, non-political conspiracies, extraterrestials, and so on. I used to be really into these kind of topics back in my youth. While not a daily board I lurk in, I do occasionally check out /x/ from time to time. Lurking there had somewhat inspired me to do my own take on paranormal topics.
Last but not least, I was able to get a new track out today. Not really anything I would put in an album, but it was something I wanted to experiment with a new drum effect for my music. Otherwise, still no new additions to my current album which is a work in progress nor any new developments on a folk inspired album that I have been thinking about.
Febuary 18, 2021: Winter Storm/Power Outages
Just another day in Biden's America. The past week, I have been without power, without power, low supplies, and rather cold through it all. Because we have been assaulted by globalist communists intent on killing as many of us as possible. This must be the work of HAARP by orders of the Biden reigeme. Right now, I have power but there's no guarantee it will stay on tonight. Alex Jones was right about all this. They are trying to starve us. They want us dead. These Satanic worshiping demoncrats. They always pretend to be the arbiters of justice and equality but they only thing they persuit is pleasing their damn Satanic Bull God. All of them are satanic worshipping, human sacraficing, savages. And unfortunately, they have all the power. This is only the start of the worst to come. These demons have more in store for those who don't allign with thier one world goverment in which we are all enslaved and they keep all the wealth, resources, and liberty. My state was their first target and they have intent to wipe us out. Regardless if I come out of this planned catastrophe alive or not, somone justice from the one true GOD must fight on the forces of evil not just for my sake but for the sake of those being targeted by these satanic pyschopaths.
For the time being, I won't be able to compose anything or write much until the power grid normalizes. That might be a long while until that happens. With that said, if this happens to be my last post, Biden is by far the worst president we had ever had by far within these first few months alone. He has done more damage and acts of treason against the American people than any other president just from the few weeks of having his administration in office. Tthese neo-cons and neo-liberals are all evil. Do NOT TRUST A SINGLE THING THEY SAY. THEY WANT US ALL ENSLAVED OR DEAD! Look after yourselves and your loved ones. Be prepared for anything they will through at you. Expect the unexpected. And keep faith in your God, He will always be there for you till the end. God has no love for these demons in power.
February 8, 2021: Another new idea
Just had a briliant idea that could work if I had the finances to fund it. I basically stole the idea from some buisness thing they do in Japan. People are lonely. Not just in the sexual market but also in the friendship aspect market. While protestituion is illegal. Renting out people isn't. So why not make a service that allows people to rent freinds for a while? Basically, you can use an app, fill out a questionaire, and get matched with people who share similar interest with you. You can then pay that person to schedule an "appointment" and that person is paid by the hour to hang out with you for a certain amount of time. Alone on a holiday? Just hire a friend. Need more guest at your football party? Hire a friend. The possibilities are limitless and it will have the positive aspect of helping cure the plague known as inceldom in our society. Incels will no longer have to be lonely if they can hire a temporary friend to talk to, maybe discuss problems, or just someone to hang out with. I'll call it something weebish like Tomodachi or something a soydev would name. If only I had clients that would assist me in this idea. Oh wait, it kind of already exists....fuck. And nobody even uses it.
February 7, 2021: Creativity Dead End, need a break
Super Bowl was today but I didn't bother. I don't care for football anymore. Not even for shit posting. I didn't even watch any of the games up until today. I could have made some bets on who was going to win but I really did not care one bit to even bother betting. I had enough betting with stocks and crypto as it is.
On another topic, I completely ran into a creative dead end with my music production. I can't progress anymore until I can come up with some new ideas. I'll probably stop composing for a while as I normally do whenever I get into this situation. Sometimes I wonder how great it would be to have a band of some sort. Instead of just working all on my own, I could have someone else to bounce ideas off from them and work together to make songs better and quicker than I usually do alone. I think I am too old to make friends locally, and online friends are just unreliable and unavailable most of the time to even try to participate in something creative anyways.
I haven't paid any attention to any of the political shit going on and frankly I don't feel as black pilled as I usually do whenever I keep up with news. I am strating to think that whole civil war thing that was supposedly brewing was just a big ol'pile of nothing. Just as expected, most Americans are too lazy to fight corruption in our system. Not like they can do anything about it anyways without being demonized. Even if there's lawful and peaceful protest, the Executive and banking powers are quick to shut it down right away before any real change can be made. The US is a banana republic and I accepted defeat long ago. I am not gonna bother fighting it. Rather, I accepted that we are under control of some corrupt boomer dictators and will now plan according to immigrate out of the US and renouce my US citizenship when things get too degenerate for my tastes. Not even the shittiest of third world countries are as corrupt as the Demoncrats. All I can do now, is save money, and try to figure out what language I am going to have to learn to escape these pyschos ruining my once great country.
February 4, 2021: Sore Throat
I am getting sick again. My throat feels scratchy. My chest hurts alot. I might have a fever too. Sore all over my body. I better not have rona again. I hope this is just bad allergies. I have today and tomorrow off but I have to be better by Saturday or I am screwed. Barely started working on a new track but quite frankly I am not content with it. Needs more work. I have my hdmi splitter on the way. I'll be needing that for my Raspberry PI. Otherwise, not much else to talk about. I am very tired. Physically and Emotionally.
February 3, 2021: New Mouse and Keyboard.
Nothing wrong with my Razor Gaymen Keyboard (2013 Blackwidow) and Deathadder Mouse other than the fact I don't like the green gamer lights or the glossy matte finish that makes it a rancid looking keyboard with fingerprints all over. So I got some hand me down MSI keyboard and mouse (GK30 and GM11) I got on the cheap. The keyboard isn't mechanical but it feels rather nice (not as nice as my Razor Keyboard) and is nice to type on. It's nowhere near as loud as my other keyboard which is nice. The mouse is small and fits my hand perfectly. I found the Deathadder too big for my hands and sometimes I would get cramps from using it. I had to go on my Wangblows partion to adjust the colors of the keyboard and the mouse so they can match. Now instead of a gaymen green light, or lgtbtqrxtuvwxyz rainbow shit, they are now a conservative and subtle white color which makes my whole battlestation (or coomstation) alot less annoying which is a nice plus imo). I'll probably keep my Razor stuff for my Raspberry Pi once I get that setup for hosting my website.
February 1, 2021: Month of Hell
I seriously hate this month the most. It’s the closing period of a comfy winter season and the start of the brutally hot and muggy “spring” or extended summer as I like to call it. Valentine’s Day is a shitty holiday. An insult to my own personal struggle against a system that prevents someone like myself from getting companionship. Since we are under a commie government, I might as well beg the government for a hand out (either a GF or some money). Preferably the latter as I could use that to buy some guns before Biden bans them.
Busy work schedule too. I’m sometimes working from 7 in the morning till 6 in the afternoon. That means having to wake up as early as 5 in some cases. Really shitty but I am getting paid for it so I can’t complain. I hate wearing that mask all day though. I have to take breaks just to get some oxygen in my lungs. Wagecucking is so broken these days. To be fair, so is everything else. I don’t really care anymore what happens to this country. Oh yeah, happy Nig Month too. A whole month dedicated to America’s most pampered and most worshiped pet. Hispanics don’t get that kind of attention. Asians don’t get anything either. White pride is frown upon everywhere. Being mixed gets you nothing too. But being of African decent is like being worshiped to no fucking end by everyone and everything from the government to the media. I guess we are all going to have to do that “Thank you for service” shit for blacks like we did for veterans of those Oil Wars in the middle east back in the early and mid 2000s. I remember that shit. Demoncrats, Republicunts. All on the same platter. I think you may know where I am going with this.
You can figure it out from here on your own. I don’t have time to explain the situation we are in and how we got here. On a side note, I am doing at least 1 new track a week which is not bad for my work ethic I suppose. I can’t see myself keeping up with this trend but I hope to finish my album soon. Already have like 5 tracks mostly done. It’s just that I can’t stop going back and editing them. I need to leave them alone already. Most of them are probably fine the way they are but I keep tweaking them to get something new out of them. It’s holding me back from finishing an album I should had finished last year. This is why I can’t deal with due dates. I can’t guarantee I can have something 100% complete on any day. Maybe this is why I find GNU/Linux so appealing. I just like to tinker with stuff, customize according to my current feelings and what I see to be best suited. Music is in many ways, another form of tinkering.
January 29, 2021: Wish I had something else to talk about
It would sure be nice to talk about anything other than politics. Unfortunately, the establishment has forced me into a position where that isn't possible. Anyways, I think I need a mouse. My middle scroll click isn't working like it should. Too poor atm and don't wanna look for a new mouse replacement. I got my trackball mouse anyways for the time being. It just works.
January 28, 2021: I love Movies and Vidya
"I just don't get it. I thought we lived in a free market capitalist society. Why can't I buy more stocks in Gamestop and AMC? I like Video Games so I want to support Gamestop. I like movies and can't wait for Godzilla vs Kang Kong. So why can't I invest in those companies with perfectly bright futures ahead of them. The rich jew man on TV is calling me a terrorist? How is investing and participating in the free market terrorism? White supremacy? I just don't get it. Why don't rich people want me to support Games and Movies?"
January 27, 2021: Gamers Rise up and Pump
Just as I was falling into a depression cycle, some exciting news had brought some light to my gloom. Apparently people are pumping Gamestop stock values and it’s causing Wall-street Fat Cats to go absolutely mad in the amount of money they are losing. It’s hilarious. This is the kind of stuff I want to see from society and it makes me happy that there are still ways to fight the system non-violently and legally. There will probably be some severe financial consequences from this but those who are pumping will have nothing to lose and everything to gain, even if there isn’t a profit in the end. The amount of seething this caused in the investment world is great. Just goes to show, don’t fuck with gamers. I honestly believe we are still in this fucking Gamer Gate revolution nonsense from years ago. That’s honestly really funny. To think all of the events leading up until now is the result of pissed off gamers revolting against arrogant journalists and game developers. Culture is warfare. Especially in the age of the internet. The outcome of this should be interesting.
January 24, 2021: Creative Fog
It's been weeks since I did my last composition. I am unable to engage in music composition at all. Maybe it's just depression from all the shitty stuff going on right now. Maybe I just need to take a break. A vacation would be nice if I could take one. Sadly that's not going to happen.
January 22, 2021: Video Related:
Blackpill Recommended Watch.
January 22, 2021: Lockdowns and Even More Shitty Politics
It’s funny to see the Democrats get what they didn’t ask for Biden. The economy is reacting accordingly and without a doubt, I am predicting some hard economic times ahead. These lock downs and Wu Flu restrictions need to end SOON. It’s already taking a toll on so many people. More so than the actual virus. Not even Biden knows what the fuck to do to deal with the virus. It’s probably too late to try to eliminate it from the population as it’s pretty much endemic.
I just want to thank all the globalist for even letting it happen in the first place. Because we all have to be OPEN BORDERS and NO BORDERS, LIVE’N THE CITY LIFE, and PARTY IN CHINA TOWN (lmao not even my own words), this virus has been able to infect everyone at some point. 98% of the infected (including myself) end up fine afterwards. It’s literally just a bad case of the flu. Not even that deadly unless you already have complications which in that case, you should probably take better care of yourself. Besides the point, Biden wants to do more lockdowns for everyone. As if that’ll do anything. Whatever. Nobody ever listens to reason anyways. If there wasn’t voter fraud, all this proves is that the plebs believe everything the media tells them. At least the older generation that still watches TV or whatever is posted on their boomer Facebook page.
While it’s fairly easy for me to deal with the lockdowns, it’s driving other people insane. The last thing I need is for normal people to transform into insane lunatics beyond any of my own craziness. When society is more mentally unstable than you are, that’s a sign that something must be really fucked. Absolutely fucked. Good job moderates. Your lack of political and economic knowledge put us all under the boots of corporations and globalist socialist because you thought the nationalist were too edgy with their way of words. Words don’t destroy economies and lives, neither do viruses. Dumb polices by dumb ideologist do.
January 20, 2021: No topic
Stressed out. But at least nothing big happened today. Thank goodness. Things will probably get worse from here on out with our new Demoncrat dictator and politcal power in control over everything. Might as well enjoy every single freedom we have left while it lasts. I guess the good thing to come out of all of this is now normalfags are starting to wake up to their own stupidity. Especially conservatives outside of the Neo-con ideology.
January 18, 2021: Self Reliance on the Internet
Just as I foreseen, most mainstream websites are doubling down on their user's natural rights to voice their opinions and preventing access to content they should be able to have access to. If there is anyone that needs to be blamed, it's not the corporations unironically. It's the users that were dumb enough to fall for these platforms in the first place just because all of their friends and e-celebs were on it. Rather than create their own platforms and services, they submit to the centralized side of the internet and are at the mercy of whomever runs the service of said platform.
There are ways out of this entrapment. Decentralized services and self hosting. You can host your own services if you have the hardware and infrastructure. You can have a little raspberry pi at least and host an email service, cloud server, or even host your website (AND MUCH MORE) by setting up your own server. That's my plan for this year at least. I'll probably even host this Neocities site on my own server. No one can stop you from hosting, and you are in complete control of your data. This post isn't a how to because I'll be here all day explaining everything you can do to self host your own services. I can say there are tons of resources and information out there to get started. Get yourself some used hardware on the cheap, buy a domain name, and start hosting!
January 11, 2021: New Year
A new year and a whole heap of new troubles. The US is undergoing some severe political chaos the likes of which haven't been seen in centuries. It's a disgrace to see the country go this way. Oh well. Crypto is dumping like crazy right now too. Hopefully there's a new minimal by the end of it. It would be an excellent time to seriously start buying supplies or consider moving out of the country before things get significantly worse. Not that it's any better elsewhere.