The Few Friends I Had In School
A lot of my life stories tend to be kind of negative. One part of my life that isn’t like that is mainly my years in Elementary school. Life was more carefree for me back then. I wasn’t concerned with social standings or anything like that. I wasn’t even interested in romance until after I started middle school. In essence, I saw everyone as allies and I got along with all my other classmates just fine. I even made a few good friends along the way until I was rezoned from the middle school I was supposed to go to and ended up losing all contact with my childhood friends. For the most part that is. More on that later.
There was this one guy who I became really good friends with back in third grade. One of the things we often joked about is how we even became friends in the first place. I still don’t know that reason even today. We were both in the same class and I guess by some luck we were doing group work together. He was a taller than I was, but more slender too. He came from a more broken family than my own at the time. His father was in jail for something (possibly drugs) so his mom had to take him to school and cover all the bills and such. One thing for certain that connected between us is our love for Video Games and Movies. We would spend the night over each other places and stay up all the way passed midnight. That was kind of rebel for me to do back then since my parents had me on a strict sleeping schedule at the time (I wasn’t allowed to be awake passed 9 PM). We both went to each other’s birthday parties and bought gifts for each other. Sometimes my cousin would tag along and we would record home movies with my cousin’s high end vhs camera. Yeah, those were some fun times. My parents were totally fine with him too, though my mom didn’t like how I was hanging out with “poorer” kids. I always hated her takes. We were never rich to begin with so I don’t get that attitude at all. Anyways, we pretty much hung out at school and outside of school all the way into the last days of 5th grade. Then we both ended up going on our separate ways when I got rezoned and placed into the gifted and talented program. Off topic but I think that whole gifted and talented shit really fucked my life over for the worse. In theory, it was supposed to help students be prepared for advance studies and shit, basically prep for college all the way into high school but as you can imagine, look how that worked out for me. Haha!
Of course, it wasn’t the last time I saw. Back when I did drop out from college years ago and started falling into Neetdom, I was doing some grocery shopping and sure enough he was working at the cash register. He called me out by my name which threw me off at first because I didn’t even recognize him at first until he mentioned who he was. It took me a while to realize it was really him. He’s still had that same form factor as he did back in elementary but obviously he aged more so than I did. I’m surprised he was able to recognize me. I was so used to being treated like a ghost up to that point. We basically talked about how we were doing and what were doing at the time. He was still going to university but not the same one I went to. I had to tell him I was doing the same as well (even though I just dropped out). He then mentioned that we should hang out again sometime. I said I would be down for that too. Ever since that meeting, we never met again. I feel into a deep depression and didn’t communicate with anyone outside of my home for several years.
The other friend I had (and I can’t fucking believe I forgot her in my older blog regarding women in my life only because I didn’t know her for too long) was a female classmate that I met in 5th grade, or rather she approached me and basically became another best friend around the last couple of months before summer vacation. She didn’t really hang out with me after school but we did hang out a lot in class and during lunch/recesses. She was rather normal for a girl I guess. She was kind of athletic since she played soccer after school (hence why we didn’t really hang out). Basketball was more my thing however so most of the time we would play at the court during recesses along with my other friend I mentioned earlier.
The strangest thing about her though is the fact that she went out of her way to do things for me when she didn’t have to. There was this one time where we had this event where a bunch of students would have these diy crafts booths and snack bars. My friends and I made this mini movie theater where we borrowed the class TV and VCR player to play our home movies for the price of one ticket (the currency everyone was given to get stuff from these booths). We’d get something like 20 tickets as a base (and extra if you got good grades or something) and you would spend it on arts and crafts or snacks. Our booth was really popular with the other students so suffice to say, we made a lot in tickets from the other students coming to see our shitty home videos. Occasionally, one of us will leave the booth for a while to check out the other booths. Whenever I would go out to see the booths, she would tag alongside with me. Strange? Probably not. But the crazy thing about that is that she would sometimes pitch in her tickets just to get me some stuff. She didn’t have to do that at all, we had plenty of tickets made from our booth. But she did it nonetheless. I didn’t really think too much about why she was treating me this way. I felt bad leaving my other friend behind at the booth but apparently he didn’t mind at all. Though that’s not the only thing worth mentioning.
She would call me good buddy and some other weird names, though none of which were particularly derogatory. On the last day of school, she wanted to have a picture with me at the front of the school. Her mom had this camera and we would sit at this bench right in front of our elementary school. Before her mom could snap the photo, she put her arm around my shoulder and hugged me really tightly. I didn’t think too much of it and thought she was just being really brotherly. But the way she held onto me, it was like she didn’t want to let me go. Once that was over, her mom called her over to get in the car and they were gone. I would have seen her again but I didn’t end up going to the same middle school as her or my other friend. In retrospect, I think she must have had some interest in me but I couldn’t see it. I didn’t have romantic feelings for anyone by 5th grade. It was just something I didn’t think about other than something that older people got into. I assumed she was just being friendly. To be fair, I don’t think my other friend understood either. So I don’t count her as a crush per say. I’m surprised there wasn’t any conflict between those two. I should have asked about her when I saw him again.
From middle school onwards, I was all on my own. I didn’t make any new friends afterwards. In a sense, my spiral into depression and mental pain would take off. Good things can’t last forever. Even someone like myself who had potential to be normal ended up being metaphorically (and arguably physically) kicked into the curve and stomped on it to become the social failure I am today. Will things ever get good again? Probably not. Everything is fire and that's all for certain.
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