Loneliness at an old age
I am getting too old to be in this state. Barely have a job right now, decent pay but nothing to be bragging about. The thing that really stings is the fact that I have no lover. Traditionally, most people my age would already have a family, some offspring, and a good paying job. I don’t have any of that. If I had to be honest, I don’t think any girl would find anything attractive about me. I don’t have alpha qualities. This is thanks to the fact I was malnourished back in my school days. I refused to eat the lunch and breakfast offered at school (it tasted like shit, sometimes made me sick at times) so I usually only ate one meal a day at most. While marching band was physically demanding, it wasn’t anything that was going to make me buff like a Roman Statue. As such, I couldn’t get girls back in my school days. To be fair, I didn’t have any friends either. I am probably at the lower end of the incel spectrum. Like the very bottom of the barrel of the incel hierarchy. There are no social qualities about me. I have no social skills. Communication in general is just very difficult to me. A little less nowadays since my anxiety around people has eased a little from how severe it used to years ago but it’s still affects me sometimes. Even online socialization is difficult for me. I am terrible at starting conversations. Most of the time, I don’t know what the fuck to talk about. It’s not like I can really relate to most people anyways.
I don’t do anything in my life. I don’t even play vidya games anymore. I just can’t stand them. Guns? There are other people that can tell you pretty much what I can say if not more so. Music? There are people better educated on the subject than I am. Tech? Technology sucks and ruins lives, why would I want to talk about it? Politics? Hate it. We can’t even do anything about the grand chess board being played by our politicians so why bother? We are literal cattle. Sports? Apart from shit talking teams, I don’t really care. Movies? I don’t even watch movies anymore. Anime? Same deal although I like cute girls I guess. Sometimes I just want to fuck but there’s nobody to fuck. Fapping is nice from time to time but even I get tired of it. I could learn new hobbies but I’ll always be an amateur no matter what. I feel like people find their passion early in their life, but I haven’t even found anything I am remotely good at.
At most, I can without a doubt say talking to girls is by far the worst skill I have. I haven’t spoken to a girl in my age bracket in a very long time. I’d say almost more than a decade. Probably since high school. To be fair, I don’t give a fuck anymore. Society is falling apart anyways. Even normalfags are starting to lose it too, I don’t blame them. It just so happens I lost my humanity way before everyone else. What can I do about it? Short answer: Nothing. I’ll just go with the flow, keep myself isolated, unknown, and unremarkable until I die of natural causes. Can’t complain at this point. At least I know I can’t encounter anything out of my comfort zone from here on out.
Return to Catalog