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Summer of Games (Totally not Cope E3) 2022

Actual photo of the PS5 exclusives cira 2022

Pre-Show Analysis


Absolutely none


In General: Dead on Arrival Projects, Remakes, Shit we already know about.


Microsoft/Bethesda: Lies

Ubisoft: Cringe.

Nintendo Direct: Hopefully new Metroid. Probably a sneak peak at that cursed Mario movie coming up. It's gonna fuck shit up.

Summer of Games (The first online presentation)

BOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Christ almighty it's not even funny kind of bad this time. At least it wasn't woke (from what little I watched because I couldn't bother to see the rest of the presentation) but does every fucking game have to be "le space horror" or just "space" themed in general. Like good grief. Even Geoff Keighley was like "Wow we're having so many space games annoucements today" or something like that. I counted four horror games in space just from the first 10-20 minutes from the presentation and at that point I was like "screw this" and had to stop watching. From what I heard, the rest of the conference was boring and not even worth watching since it was just "cinematic trailers" followed by boring interviews from the devs who have to describe what kind of game they are even making in the first place because they don't even show a single shit of gameplay in these trailers. It's a first person horror games/side scroller (oh and there's a lot of those too), and so forth. Most of these games are due to "release" in 2023 but I don't give a shit about any of them. Like honestly, I can get all four of these trailers along with their title names and flip them around and then ask you to try to match the title name with each of the game trailers. You would struggle to find the right title for each trailer. It's like all of these games (despite being made by different studios) were using the same assets from some MIT 3D assets library collection and just slaped together to make a "It's just like Dead Space" game.

Oh and there's a Last of Us remake or someshit. Like really nigga? That game isn't that old. Not to mention this so called remake doesn't even look any better than the original. Why does this game need a remake? The games is just one of those Sony "Movie" games where you just walk from Point A to Point B while hearing some quirky dialogue along the way followed by cutscenes or quick time events to "spice" the game up like how can anyone even like these games? The story? Give me a break! Do any of these people who like the stories in these games ever read a book? Even required high school reading is more engaging and original than these "cinematic" games. Don't even get me started on how pretentious the sequel is. It even does that shit that Hollywood movies engage in these days where rather than try to make a good film (or even a stupid popcorn flick) they are instead purposely made to "subvert your expectations" by doing the most underhanded and demoralizing shit to characters in these films as a means to shock the audience. It's lazy and it's demoralizing to normalfags who just want to watch a film about stupid shit and this sort of plot device is completely cheap and dumb. Subverting my expectations. Give me a break. Anyone with a 90+ IQ can see what you're doing from a mile away. It's not like a plot twist where at least that has some sort of mid-plot conflict or something to drive the story. Why am I even talking about this? I should be ranting about video games. Fuck you Sony, you made modern gaming into a B-tier movie industry.

Oh and there's yet another Call of Duty game. This time, taking a shit over the original Modern Warfare 2. How many Call of Duty games do we really need at this point? Who is buying these games because I don't know any normalfag who even buys Call of Duty games like in the 360/PS3 era? It's even more baffling that they are "redoing" the whole Modern Warfare series all over again like are you serious? It's not like these games have changed since the first Modern Warfare game either. I'd argue they haven't changed since the WW2 entries from the early 2000s.

I don't even know what to say at this point. If you're one of these gamers that keeps falling for these shitty games, then you kind of deserve everything the developers have be doing to milk every single cent out of you. Don't look at me, I'm not the one buying these games. I haven't even played the PS4, Xbone era of games and won't even bother with the new generation (OH wow, it's the same graphics but with better framerate and 4K! INNOVATION!). AAA gaming at this point is beyond dead at this point. Devs are just milking a dead cow and giving the spoiled left over milk to all the consoomers that buy this shit without thinking. It's so sad. I used to be one of those people that would say they would never give up gaming as a hobby. Gaming was a mistake.

I won't watch the other conferences unless it has something remotely interesting. If I missed it....woops I never cared for it to begin with.

Microsoft/Bethesda Presentation

Meh. Nothing special. It's a good thing I watched it after it went live because I feeling sick but unlike a live stream, I could skip through all the bullshit games I don't care about. Nowhere near as bad as the last conference I watched (see above) but none of these games are going to convince me to buy a new Xbox (whatever it's called) or a better PC except for Flight Simulator 2020 (though I don't know anyone who even has a pc capable of running that game anyways so probably wait 10 years from now when I have no choice but to upgrade my hardware). The biggest loser right now is Sony and what's left of their fanbase. Microsoft not only snatched Kojima but also Atlas since Persona 3-5 are now going to be on Xbox (and Windows). Sony sisters...not like this... Is there any reason to even bother with a Piss Station 5 at this point? Not only does it not have any games (let alone exclusives) you might as well go for the Xbox or a nice gaming rig at this point. You're not missing out on anything by ditching PS5. Eitherway, this generation already sucks harder than the previous generation and I didn't even bother with that one either.

Now the real highlight of this whole conference was none other than Todd Mother Fucking Howard and his mod for Fallout 4. Starfield. It's like Fallout 4 and Nu-male's sky had a baby and the result is something that looks like (judging from the gameplay trailers) it runs real smooth at a silky 20 FPS. Supposedly there's a thousand planets you can check out but that doesn't mean anything. Most of them are going to be empty planets with resources or probably something procedurally generated (ie like in Daggerfall) with only a handful of handcrafted worlds. I'm not convinced Todd. The customizable space ships seem cool but other than that it's yet another AAA space game. I don't really like the whole space theme. There's nothing out there. It's generic, boring, and empty. Though I guess Lying Todd needed to fill the gap for a futuristic "role" playing action game. It doesn't come out till next year anyways so they might refine it some more. I doubt it though.

Same as usual. If I don't care for it, I won't watch the conference. I didn't bother with the PC gaymen show or the Sony one (did they even have one because I don't even know?) Eitherway, get cucked Soynyggers ha ha!

Nintendo Mini Direct and My Final Thoughts for Not-E3 2022

Oh wow, Nintendo actually didn't have anything to show this year. That's depressing. The Switch is basically a port machine at this point. That's going to depend on the kind of games that are ported to the Switch. It's either decade year old games or it's games from the previous gen. That was more or less what was shown in this mini direct. If there were "new" games, it was stuff we already know about or stuff I was thinking about after watching the other Not-E3 shows. While they did mention this was third party developers only, it was still a little disappointing we didn't see anything from Nintendo. Makes you wonder what they are actually doing all this time. The movie that just got delayed till next year? That theme park in Japan? Toys? I have this theory that Nintendo as a company feels like they really don't want to make video games anymore. That's kind of been something I thought about since the Wii era when they tried to appeal to casuals and had all of those notices in their games telling you to stop sitting your ass inside and go outside or using friend codes so that you have to actually talk to someone before playing games with them online. Maybe they just doing a Shinzo Abe and are just part of the Japanese goverments push to make men have sex and start families. I can't really blame them at this point. One can only play so many BING BING WAHOOs before it starts to feel stale. Oh apparently Pac-Man World is getting a remake/remaster or something like that. It's been so many years since I rented that game. While that's cool and all, wouldn't it be nice if they weren't remaking so many games these days. They are remaking games from 4 years ago for crying out loud. Kind of pathetic and lazy but then again so am I. Who am I to complain? I don't make video games for a profit. Also the Persona games are coming to the switch which kind of places the last nail on the conffin for Sony's Playstation brand.

Even though Nintendo didn't have anything this year, they still have at least some exclusives which is more than what I can say for Playstation which doesn't have any games to begin with. Both companys have no excuse not to show anything this year because the plandemic is over already with only a few anglo countries desperately trying to do a 1984 but with more homosexuality. At the very least, things should be going right back on track for all of these companies. If anything, the whole lock down and isolation policies wouldn't had really done anything for the production of vidya games. It's not like in movie production where you have all of these people on one set. The programmers can just work form home and submit their work on Google cloud or whatever it is these game development studios use. I'm getting off topic but the point is, this Not-E3 was unfortunately meh. At the very least, it wasn't too offensive to my senses which is pretty sad when my expections are so low from previous E3s that even presentations with nothing amazing this year was tolerable. Granted that Summer of Games stream was absolutely boring. So I guess Microsoft won this year's Not E3? My God. That's....kind of odd to think about. Still not buying an Xbox but kuds to them from at least trying to make their presentation resemble what the E3s were like in the past few years.

September 13, 2022 Nintendo Direct: Their late entry to SOG2022 in my book.

Pikmin 4, cool I guess. I loved Pikmin 1 and 2 back in the day. Didn't play Pikmin 3 because even a Nintoddler like me didn't find the WiiU worthy of buying (though I do hear it's emulation capabilities are pretty good to say the least so who knows if I'll pick one up someday). Pierce Brosnan is back in that expensive Nintedo Online emulation service, RIP Advance Wars, uh......Zelda cumming next year and....sneed feed and seed games. You will virtually farm crops while Bill Gates buys out all the farm land irl and you might be happy.

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